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tisme
16 Posts |
 Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 01:12:09
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This may seem like another cliche topic which will i expect attract very cliche comments,but i couldnt help myself:i had to post this comment;are gambian men really worth our while?!i mean, what do our parents secretly wish for our futures(well more for us girls)?we marry wealthy and very popular influential gambian men!thats all fine and dandy till it comes to the marital home side!does your popular influential and wealthy gambian husband do right by you???i mean seriously are we really happy at home,when we go to sleep and when we wake up in the morning!i mean god help you, and you marry a man that takes pride in being polygamous!sister your in for a long and tough ride especially if you've been a totally devoted wife with quality standards then u really and truly are fooked!if your the first wife then ur definately lamb to the slaughter...........not to mention the crazy inlaws from hell will want you.......how should i put this.........out of the picture!i mean look at me.........i'm 24..........independent and trying to climb the social ladder and sail the sea's of success!i wanna get married...but when i look at the what our generation has produced in terms of eligible men..........i honestly dont see any!its a shame that gambian men are still stereotyped!they either let you down as the bread winner of the family,the role model for the kids or the lover in the bedroom!these three main things not 1 gambian man can score 10/10!shame isnt it!well if i can get good reasons why gambian men are worth our while perhaps i'll take the offer waiting for me and completely change the way we gambian women potray gambian men!
KEEP THE COMMENTS COMING......NO STUPID COMMENTS PLEASE AND ALSO IN ENGLISH I AND OTHER PEOPLE CAN READ AND UNDERSTAND!
PEACE!
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tisme
16 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 03:26:35
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Pardon me but i jus need t say it that dont deserve to be called men. here is wat they think.. that women are the inferior, cheap, *****s that are more of a beacon of sex and an employee in the house.. a slave for that matter.. than a wife. in the gambia, marriages are only carried out by men because they want to have sex, children and need their homes to be attended to. u find that women are beaten by their hucys if food is not ready on time, if they have worked too hard to please them n are too tired for sex, and if they are baren. childless mothers get all the blame form inlaws, her husband and on lookers. CANT IT BE BECAUSE THE MAN IS AINT ERAECTIN ENOUGH, OR MAYBE HE IS THE PROBLEM butoh no, its always that woman that woman.
gambian men as far as i know will only marry u and dump u to their family. u feel like your married to the mom or family not him. half of the time he's with his friends drinking ataya and half the time he's working. u only see him at night where u wait to do ya duties as a "wife". how many of our men make us exhilarated to be pregnant??? none. how many of our men give us the whole attention that we need. how many of our men take us for walks holding our hands tellin every one this is ma wify? how many men are ready to spend at least valuable time with our children. how many of our men will not smoke tie or will spend at least a year without one slap on our face??
which gambian dude, muslim for that matter will not use islam jus so they can justify their getting married to a second, third, fouth 6 times a younger wife?? wat an insult. for all these questions, i say none... not our present generation. the eligible ones are married and the beautiful ones are not yet born.
am sory am not criticing big time our dudes.. am jus sayin wat i feel.A WOMAN, a wife for that matter is the one that u share everything with. the other side of u. the one u love and cherish. the one that cooks yo food, gives u the sex u need and the children tto bear yo name all with love. she is the one that even with out a child.. u wil always love an cant live without. she is the one u value and respect. the one u spend half your time with and the other half to the world.. thats a wife. not a bunchin bag, or an available *****, or a "pumping bag" if u know wat i mean. i would have loved to get married to a gambia but now am thinkin IS IT WORTH IT????????
gal friend if u get any good reasons why gambian men are worth our while, let me know coz i've searched and i've failed to fine.
FIY: i've neva been dumped in ma life.. i've had wonderful relationships with both gambians n non gambians. am lookin at this from ma point of veiw as a lady. no matter how good our men r, in our generation, they all have the same above mentality in one way or the other .. am sorry |
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Dalton1
3485 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 07:47:11
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Hi Sister Tisme,
I am here to join you in this nice debate you started. From your postings, i already sensed that you might be a victim of a Gambian man or men. If so, i am sorry for your broken heart, unlucky experience and frustrations as a result of a bad relationship with Gambian men. I was going to ask you; which part of the word do you live in? If you are still in the Gambia, then you have a lot to learn from other cultures or people before you can appreciate the Gambian man.
If recently what you are going through is so heavy on your head, i suggest that you find time for yourself for counseling, or to take some time off, not letting your emotions, rage or misnomers do the job of painting Gambian men in a forum. Being a Gambian man, i cannot personalize this matter, and i will humbly ask all not to, but to debate it with good heart, honesty and modesty with fairness to you or Gambian men.
From your language, one clearly sees you are loaded to your brim with anger. (excuse my style/choice of words.) I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but sensed that you need some help to cross a difficult bridge. Now, as to whether you are Gambian or not, it is the honest truth that matters. Your style of condemnation and damning is not typical of Gambian women. I've always been on the side of the Gambian mother. I agreed with a lot of their tears. At the same time, men are having the belts tightened on their waists.
You mentioned a lot of things. Could it be that your partner (if at all one) have similar feelings of your behavior. But all the same, good luck in life as you move on in search of greener pastures. I hope any future man you may have will treat you not to your fairness, or his fairness, but to the fairness of God.
You are advised further to share all of your story. By doing so, you will surely get the much needed help you deserve at the hour. Until then, kindly reflect deep on the postings you made, and see if you can see anything in it that you can modify to attract even more debators, more ideas, more directions.
I leave you with this ridule of wisdom from Nigerian Professor SMO AKA -The fact that a certain relative of yours drowned in see, does that make you not to drink or bath at sea? Obviously, it is am emphatic NO!
Have a good nite!
Best of regards,
Yero (Dalton)
To be continued........... |
"There is no god but Allah (SWT); and Muhammad (SAW)is His last messenger." shahadah. Fear & Worship Allah (SWT) Alone! (:
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Edited by - Dalton1 on 27 Oct 2007 07:54:15 |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 10:57:25
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sister ,you have the right to feel the way you do.i will only caution you not to brush every gambian man with one broom.the way you may have been disappointed by a gambian man ,gambian men have also been disappointed by gambian women as well.life some times seems very unfair but our choices in life is our cadinal responsility.choose your partner carefully.''not all that gliter is gold''.there are good gambian men our there who will never behave the way you or some woman may have been treated.
thanks for the exposure any way. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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tisme
16 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 11:23:31
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Yes Im a Gambian women. Yes there are good and bad everywhere
But Im sorry to say from my own experience and friends Gambian men have a particular mind set toward their women and yes sometimes the truth hurts |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 11:46:35
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| thanks. stick with your truth and be careful next time. but you can get a partner any where in the world if you feel the way gambian men think is premitive . |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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lurker
509 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 12:08:01
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tisme, you must have some experiences to base your feelings on, alas you cannot have related to hundreds or thousands of gambian men at 24 so you have only a very small cross section to use as a sample upon which to base your generalism. maybe you have been hrurt and disappointed a lot in the past.
someone said "all that glisters is not gold" - too right.
i am english, married to a gambian woman for many years with a family. i have seen and spoke to gambian men and women over 17 years now and feel able to make a comment or two on this subject, even though not a gambian.
I have watched the whole raft of girls and boys who i suppose could be categorised as bumsters, find their european targets, get their visas and go and then disappear in tot he ether when they hit the mainland european cities - leaving behind upset, broken, naive toubabs in their wake.
I have seen the average gambian who works, continues the culture and tradition and is not going to sail the seas of success in any likelihood as good jobs, education and prospects are reasonably rare still. But they are the decent backbone, the heartland, the spine of gambia. they are the future gambians. The ones who stay and try. they are not like you describe at all. My brother in law is here. he is possibly the most honest, decent ,hard-working human i have ever met. so are most of his friends back in gambia - not here in the UK - different type - and they are all good catches. they are honest, hard-working and decent , too - JUST NOT WEALTHY!!.
So , tisme, how many women expect to find the perfect mand with all the personal attributes and money as well. Maybe a lot, but most will get only some of the ingredients. You have to prioritise your ingredients.
You are making your way up - good for you, but , if you cannot find your peer in your circle, widen your circle - but surley do not describe all gambian men as not worth the bother.there are plenty good ones out there.
otherwise, go join the gravy trian that is the marriage to a toubab. youmight be horrified to learn that most of the toubabs you will ever meet are not wealthy in their own coumtries - in fact most are working class and their holidays are a total luxury. Most of the weddings end in disasters - for lots of reasons.
most of the relationships are doomed from day one as the two people did oit quickly and on the wrong basis.
most end up with ugly fights a, courts, divorces and hatred.
a small proportion do not, and i count my blessings for being one of those....so far!!
Drop your barricades, give people a chance, move out of your comfort zone, broaden your social circles, prioritise your needs in a man and you may find that lots of gambian men would make you happy. if you still cannot beleive this , then maybe you are the one with the problems and not they?
finally, i would say more power to your elbow.
africa's future totall relies on the empowerment of its women and the cessation of this "women are chattels" mentality. until this day comes, you will always fight to overcome the cultural hardships that women faced which are anachronistic in this day and age, whatever your race or religion happens to be. |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 12:36:29
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| lurker ,that was a powerful posting. i will only add one thing.tisme has cross one big huddle in life.that is, you show that self-pity is dangerous. never have the mindset of pitying your self.be bold and proud and at the same time humble and reasonable.good things are hard to come by but with utmost consciousness ,you may find a good person. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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Dalton1
3485 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 15:16:57
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Saturday's Lurk, like uncle Santa pointed, good write-up. I too, like it a lot.
Sister Tisme, i am writing part 2 to post later, but you are not saying a lot about the problem. i am sure there is more to it.
is your husband getting a second or third wife? or are you the second or third wife? thank you though for your understanding.
Yero. |
"There is no god but Allah (SWT); and Muhammad (SAW)is His last messenger." shahadah. Fear & Worship Allah (SWT) Alone! (:
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Dalton1
3485 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 15:48:10
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Or are you a victim of these notorious sugar daddies.....with them, they are a palaver. i am sure a lot will come out from readers here.
later sis. |
"There is no god but Allah (SWT); and Muhammad (SAW)is His last messenger." shahadah. Fear & Worship Allah (SWT) Alone! (:
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tisme
16 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 17:05:03
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| A Gambian sugar daddy you must be joking they must be as rair as chickens teeth. But thank you for your constructive comment |
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Dalton1
3485 Posts |
Posted - 27 Oct 2007 : 17:38:56
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quote:
Originally posted by tisme
they must be as rair as chickens teeth.
u flattered me. chicken teeth.....where is the pecking beak????
see you later.. will come up with something fair.. |
"There is no god but Allah (SWT); and Muhammad (SAW)is His last messenger." shahadah. Fear & Worship Allah (SWT) Alone! (:
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Sibo
Denmark
231 Posts |
Posted - 29 Oct 2007 : 11:11:53
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Hi Tisme
As a gambian woman, I fully understand where you are coming from. As a woman when you get your heart broken, you feel like you cannot trust a man anymore and it hurts even more when its a gambian man. You feel if someone from your own culture can do you wrong in that way, so can any other man. I feel you when you say that our generation(I am 23). I see a lot of young gambian men without any ambition or motivation in life. Most of them are not even trying to get an education or work, all they do is party 24/7.That is not the kind of man we want . And about their view of a woman/wife, some still have a primitive way of thinking. But I know that somewhere out there, there are good, decent, loving,caring and understanding and supportive young gambian men. You do not see many of them, but I believe they are out there. Do not let your past relationship dictate your future relationship to gambian men. Its hard to believe, but there are some good ones out there, give them a chance.Do not let the good-for-nothing ones ruin it for the few goods one . And I am speaking as a gambiam woman whos has been hurt badly by a gambian man. |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 29 Oct 2007 : 11:22:53
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| Oh man I'm sorry to hear that Sibo and Tisme! |
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Sibo
Denmark
231 Posts |
Posted - 29 Oct 2007 : 15:30:03
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thanks Kay
Not all men know how to treat and keep a good woman and then when realize that you are not there anymore, they try to pretend to be a "changed" man and want to back. I guess the saying that "you do not know how precious someone/something is until when you loose them" is correct after all. |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 30 Oct 2007 : 09:36:46
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| That wise saying is indeed true Sibo. But you know if someone treats you bad, you probably do not deserve that person. |
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