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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
 Posted - 30 May 2007 : 22:25:34
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In the UK parents look after the children, not the other way around. We dont have children for what they can do for us. In Africa children are your social security to provide for you when you no longer can provide for yourself. This is a big difference in expectations.
If I was with a Gambian man in UK I would be happy for him to send money home as I understand this is part of what is expected. But aslong as it wasnt at my expense or my children's. It would have to be 'spare' money.
Abraham, perhaps it is best you dont get married if you have such dogmatic views, I am sure your wife would be miserable!!!  |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 22:38:31
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Babylon, the reason I dont have a black boyfriend in England is that I didnt meet one and fall in love with him. I went to Gambia on a trip, met a guy and fell in love. I knew nothing of sex tourism and was a total innocent. Now, 4 years on I am not so innocent.
Now I have heard many stories and I doubt my man. I dont doubt him because he is a poor man from africa, but because I have caught him out!!!   Last week I heard a story about him. He has lied to me very seriously, which makes me doubt everything. I am going to Gambia for a week in August to see him face to face to sort things out.
It is difficult long distance. I am not in a position to live in Gambia YET. And I am not in the position to support him here full time either.I dont want to take him from his friends, family and culture. Also he has meaningful work where he is respected. Much better than what he could have here with no qualifications.
I had hoped we might get married and split our time between the two countries.
I am not sure if that will ever be possible.
I am hoping to do VSO, but that might not be possible either.
I dont understand why you think it is racist to say that lots of young guys from Gambia use white women to get to Europe, it is clearly true!
My only mistake was on my very first trip to Gambia being innocent, taking things on face value and presuming that Gambian men thought the same way as English guys. Clearly now I understand they dont and I was very naive. If naivety is a crime then I was guilty.
I am still hoping that my Gambian man wants me for the right reasons and is a good guy. But it is looking increasingly unlikely.
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 23:13:21
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You are right, some men use white women to get to the west but only because the white women dont have enough brains to know that they are being fooled around with!
If they were not so darn stupid and naive in the first place nobody in this world could take advantage of them.
The women let it happen!
There was a documentary some years ago about white women who goes to Gambia, finds a husband, gets dumped by husband, goes back to Gambia to find a new husband and gets dumped again. She repeats the same mistake over and over again. Hands up everyone who knows a woman like this! Ooops.. I see many hands in the air... How embarrassing.
Why would any NORMAL person put herself in that situation?
It´s totally sick.
And I´m not being racist, I´ve seen it happen, I´ve heard about it so it must be the clear truth!
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toubab1020
12311 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 00:28:27
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quote:
Originally posted by Babylon
You are right, some men use white women to get to the west but only because the white women dont have enough brains to know that they are being fooled around with!
If they were not so darn stupid and naive in the first place nobody in this world could take advantage of them.
situation?
And I´m not being racist, I´ve seen it happen, I´ve heard about it so it must be the clear truth!
Oh no,........ not racist  ....... only sexist perhaps ! ! !
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"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 00:37:39
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"Racial prejudice refers to a pre-formed notion of individuals based on their perceived racial heritage. It involves hasty generalizations about members of a group based on the perceived characteristics of one or more members of the group. Generalizations include beliefs that every member of a group has the same personality traits, interests, language, culture, ideas, norms and attitudes." from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racism
All I´m saying is: be careful of how you talk about people as a whole group, whenever you talk about Most Gambian men you are being racist wheter you like to admit it or not. You do not know Most Gambians, and if they have a "game plan" when they marry europeans.
When you talk like that, be prepared to be called a racist! |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 07:11:12
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Wow fee wee , I won't run away from a 24 year old white girl , i don't know about Kondorong though.
But on a more serious note , it has to be understood that people bring different personal and cultural expectations into a marriage , and any serious marriage must make painstaking efforts to compromise and manage these conflicting issues. This challenge tends to be even greater where the couple are from different ethnic , cultural , and economic backgrounds.
The problem the European or Western women are having with their gambian men is perhaps not unique to them. I have known many African men who live in the Western world and would go back to Africa and marry younger , beautiful spouses and bring them over . Shortly after arrival these women (sometimes men too ) will abandon their spouses who brought them over.
Part of this problem is that everybody wants to be free . Nobody wants to be controlled for long. But it is perhaps also true that if you are from Europe or worst still U.S.A. you cannot find true love in Africa.Anybody will approve and " love" you (despite your age) because of your cultural and economic status. They want your money and a ticket to Europe and America.remember you are the "Toubab". You see I once watch a financial advisor ask a group of people what an asset was. One young lady put her hand up and responded her husband was her asset. The financial advisor told her no an asset has to be an inanimate thing that puts money in your pocket , and the little lady quickly responded again yes that is him . Dr. Lenrie Peters said in one of his poems that "love is a word that is a thousand times misused".
We in the diaspora often face similar situations when we return to our homeland in search of a spouse.You don't really know what you are getting , right?
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turk
USA
3356 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 07:25:21
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kayjatta
Exactly. This has nothing to do with race. It is about social status. Sugar-daddy, rich vs. younger partner, using love to get social/financial gain are universal. |
diaspora! Too many Chiefs and Very Few Indians.
Halifa Salah: PDOIS is however realistic. It is fully aware that the Gambian voters are yet to reach a level of political consciousness that they rely on to vote on the basis of Principles, policies and programmes and practices. |
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toubab1020
12311 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 11:06:35
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quote:
Originally posted by Babylon
"Racial prejudice refers to a pre-formed notion of individuals based on their perceived racial heritage. It involves hasty generalizations about members of a group based on the perceived characteristics of one or more members of the group. Generalizations include beliefs that every member of a group has the same personality traits, interests, language, culture, ideas, norms and attitudes." from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racism
All I´m saying is: be careful of how you talk about people as a whole group, whenever you talk about Most Gambian men you are being racist wheter you like to admit it or not. You do not know Most Gambians, and if they have a "game plan" when they marry europeans.
When you talk like that, be prepared to be called a racist!
I like your response,no need to be on the defensive though my comments were a gentle prod to get the topic boiling |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 11:23:38
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why do people marry someone that they have nothing in common with. do they suffer from sun stroke. seriously, they complain when it goes wrong and ask the authorities to step and stop it. but when you are getting married if the authorities refused to sanction the marriage people would pt their hands in the air and cry my rights, my rights.
first of all you are educated, you know right from wrong, it ws wrong to get married in the first place and put other things before practicality.
Did you get to know him, are you of the same educational class, same religion, have something in common.
when i go to gambia, they see europeans and dollar and pounds signs. they have an agenda, why marry and bring them here, you know the situation there, family is important to any gambian i have met, just because you have married and brought them here do you expect that to stop.
if you were in gambia it would be the same family/blood/tribe first, a wife/husband can leave but a family is for life. i DO WISH SOME PEOPLE WOULD TAKE THAT INTO ACCOUNT BEFORE THEY MARRY.
ALSO STOP BUYING EVERYTHING AND INVEST IN LAND/HOUSE, i have seen/heard of europeans buying there gambian partners some expensive phones/ £150+ that is a fortune, buy a business, be practical and not emotional.
this topic has been covered so many times on the bantaba in some shape or form. it will not stop it happening again, pass the word
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MeMe
United Kingdom
541 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 13:10:13
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| It's not so much "asking authorities to do something" as informing them of the change in situation .... remember that whoever sponsors a visa applicant is also responsible for that person when they come to the UK and can obviously be held accountable if they break the terms of visa issue (if you see what I mean?). |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 13:46:09
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meme, thanks for that, if i sponsor someone here, i am responsible for their actions, people forget that part of the equation, if they stay at my home and run up bills/credit cards etc it is my responsiblity. Immigration and police and any other authority come to my house because i am that persons sponsor.
Also on another side, what happens to that person spiritual when you bring them over, is there no support mechanism |
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tapalapa
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 14:21:37
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So do all the European women get what they deserve then ???
Is this what is being said ???
Could I remind members that this forum is about tolerance, sharing and diversity and not........................................
blame for being naive, blame for having more money than spouses, blame for not understanding, blame for behaving superior! blame for not supporting families.
How are people meant to learn all this before marrying if the whole relationship is based on lies to begin with ????
Lets be more positive, I welcome suggestions to overcome the barriers to difference cultures marrying.
I am wondering how many of the more negative comments come from Male members and how many males have had simiar experiences to women ???
This subject is so on the boil- I wonder why it is so popular ????
Tapa
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tapalapa
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 14:25:40
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Kayjatta,
I so agree with you- it is about freedom, and why shouldnt everyone in the world be free to enjoy travel...............
Tapa |
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mansasulu
997 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 14:52:31
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| There is a saying in wollof..."Kumba Ndarr, Samba Ndarr." |
"...Verily, in the remembrance of Allâh do hearts find rest..." Sura Al-Rad (Chapter 13, Verse 28)
...Gambian by birth, Muslim by the grace of Allah... |
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toubab1020
12311 Posts |
Posted - 31 May 2007 : 15:43:25
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Tapalapa,
The pot is really boiling now !!! |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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