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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
 Posted - 01 Feb 2007 : 19:53:15
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How is a Muslim wife different to a Western wife?
I have my Gambian/senegalese boyfriend, but I am not married yet! I am working towards perhaps marrying in 2008. I've slowed things down a bit to be more cautious. I am not going to marry him as a Muslim. I can't do that honestly, it would be a lie for show. So I have said I will only do a civil marriage. We will get to have 2 parties! 1 in Gambia and one in UK!
I believe in marriage. I believe in trying hard to be faithful in marriage. I want my husband to be my best friend, my rock.
I don't want to be dependent on anyone financially. I don't want to be in second place, I think marriage should be an equal relationship.
I am not going to be anyones domestic slave!!! |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 01 Feb 2007 : 20:04:36
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| a muslim wife is a wife who is a believes in allah, and respects its ways. a western wife lives in the west, there is not comparison, one is geographically the other is religious. i think i understood the question. |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 01 Feb 2007 : 20:36:53
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| Ok then, so how is a marriage between Muslims different to a marriage between non believers. I suppose that is what I meant by western, wrong choice of word. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 01 Feb 2007 : 20:50:43
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the difference is one of understanding, if a muslim marries a muslim there is an immediate understanding and expectation. if non believers marry another non believers there is understanding.
but if a muslim marries a non believer will there be explainations of the understanding of the ways, holy days, decisions, the history, what it means to be a muslim.
If you want to marry your man then be happy, but remember you are marrying someone who has his religion at heart, i have come across to many muslims who have married non muslims, but it has caused conflicts.
mainly through expections. Within the muslim community a wife's duty is clearly defined and a muslim will know this before the marriage. especially on holy days such as ramadam.
have you set a date yet
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LEMON TIME
Afghanistan
1295 Posts |
Posted - 01 Feb 2007 : 20:54:13
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| Nice one Jambo,Bev u misunderstand me,muslim wives are not their husbands domestic Slave as you think.You have lot to learn in other to understand Muslim way of LIFE.I for sure will not marry someone who did not think their is no God for start as their could be a problem ahead. |
There is no god but Allah |
Edited by - LEMON TIME on 02 Feb 2007 12:33:12 |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 01 Feb 2007 : 21:54:28
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| Gambiabev, i tried to tell you before: apart from being a Muslim, your future husband is first of all an AFRICAN. Be prepared (as far as that is really possible) - as i stated on another topic: cultural differences come up at moments when you least expect them. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 02 Feb 2007 : 09:20:00
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This year I am hoping to go to Gambia in June to go to Dakar to meet his family. Then again for a week in August to experience the raining season, then again in November with my daughter. IF all these visits go well we will marry in April 2008 in Gambia and August 2008 in UK. This year is the decision making year, the time to sort out any conflicts.
I am also selling my house in the UK this year. I am going to down size BIG time. That way I will have no mortgage and a little bit of spare money to buy land in Gambia if I decide to. Also I am going to build a new nursery at Kolior. SO 2007 and 2008 are big years for me.
I will be 50 in 2010. Even as I write that I can't believe it!!
By then I hope to have sold my house, got a smaller house. Built the nursery and trained the teacher so he is qualified. Got married to my man and have land in Gambia (I think?) In UK working as a supply teacher so that I can go to Gambia when I wish and my man will spend summers in UK.
IF all this gets sorted out in the next 3 years I will be very very happy and content.
I am writing to all of my family today to tell the of my plans. My friends already know and most are happy for me. I think my family will be worried about me! Have I lost my mind??!!! |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 02 Feb 2007 : 09:49:03
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| Definitely. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 02 Feb 2007 : 10:38:17
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| What is the treatment?! |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 02 Feb 2007 : 10:50:36
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keep thinking clearly, stop the romanticising, get him over here and see if you can live together under 'normal' circumstances, don't bother your family with letters full of plans you will probably have to change again etc.
One good point: the downsizing - this adventure is going to cost you!
All the best, i am off to work! |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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LEMON TIME
Afghanistan
1295 Posts |
Posted - 02 Feb 2007 : 12:35:36
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| Anna you seem to be a very sensible Woman.Bev did you Drink that Kanilai Holy Water while in The Gambia,You are loosing it big time.Take time and think hard what you are doing Old Girl.Good Luck To your plans. |
There is no god but Allah |
Edited by - LEMON TIME on 02 Feb 2007 12:39:38 |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 02 Feb 2007 : 12:42:58
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Anna, you are sensible and I appreciate that. You are giving the advice I would give to anyone else in the same situation.
I have decided not to tell my family yet. So that shows I am uncertain and changing my mind daily!
I am downsizing my house anyway. It is the house I shared with my exhusband. To have a fresh start I need my own house and no mortgage. That way I am free to do as I please. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 02 Feb 2007 : 16:04:58
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good on you bev, but i agree with anna, why not bring him over for a few months, let him see the UK, if anything it might be the tie breaker or maker of the relationship
definately agree on downsizing, it is very theraputic |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 10 Feb 2007 : 09:04:50
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Yes inez I am interested to know if the women has a choice in this, or if it is decided for her as a way of dealing with 'the problem'.
I didn't like my ex-brother in law at all. The thoughts of having to marry him!! |
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manji
United Kingdom
2 Posts |
Posted - 20 Feb 2007 : 02:57:47
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quote:
Originally posted by gambiabev
If a Muslim Gambia man marries a tourist from UK is he bound by UK law to have one wife? Or is he free to have three more wives? Does it make a difference if the marriage happens in uk or Gambia?
Once a Gambian marries someone from the uk are they automatically allowed into the uk? Or do they still nedd visas etc?
Any man may marry a second wife in Gambia - provided he is a Muslim and has the required blessings according to tradition - but it will not be recognised in UK
Anyone getting married to anyone - and wishing to move to UK must apply in Gambia for a visa. |
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