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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
 Posted - 14 Jan 2009 : 22:40:54
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folks, i once found mysself in a very embarrassing situation. i have to say this so that, others can learn from it.
I use to have a Nigerain friend in London a while ago. He is a muslim from lagos. we always met in the Plaistow mosque on the barking high road.
He always invites me to his house, due to time constraint, it never materialise. One day, after Juma prayer he told me today we must go to my house. I couldn't resist. we took his car and head to his house. As we approach, he said, let me call my wife to let her know we are coming, i said ok.
we arrived at his house, i waited outside for him to check that all is ok. he told me come in. but the etiquittes of visiting people's house in Islam is that, you don't just enters when your host ask at that moment. you delay for sometime to make sure all is ok with the family. suratul Hujurat has a very good commentary on that.
i waited for some more seconds to pass. he came back and said come in. i said thanks.
well, guess what. his wife was watching a TV programm which made her lazy to go and put her cloths on.
don't get any ideas folks. She wrapped her self with a gilt or duvey and sat down in the seating room watching tv. i mean, i never knew she wasn't wearing anything. i sat on the opposite sofa. but then i realise that something is not ok. after few minutes, i explain to my host i have leave.
he gave me a lift and on the way, he said, his wife don't wear anything in the house.
i said to him don't invite people then, it is very uncomfortable and embarrasing.
hesitate to enter a married person's house, you never know what kind partner they may have.
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Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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Karamba
United Kingdom
3820 Posts |
Posted - 14 Jan 2009 : 23:09:09
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Santafara,
This goes like fun. Some people have good input of their own social values and that tends to weigh more than religious provisions. We learn through day by day encounters.
Such is life. |
Karamba |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 15 Jan 2009 : 07:34:11
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Santafara, you need to find a different Mosque. No I am kidding  , but don't you think your friend set you up? Might sound far fetched but he called his wife to announce your arrival and then he went inside first to make sure "every thing was okay" (that she is nude and ready to flash you) huh  ?
Very interesting, thanks for sharing. |
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Hiz Princess
United Kingdom
464 Posts |
Posted - 15 Jan 2009 : 11:15:33
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Yes that does sound like a set up maybe they have an open marriage and was testng your approval, theres obviously more to your friend than you first thought but you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
I actually think that was a horrible situation to put an invited guest in but it must be normal for them otherwise it wouldnt have happened.
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 15 Jan 2009 : 16:13:01
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HP, the wife is a very lebralperson, he took me there to talk to her about Islamic ideals. she is not a muslim by the way, she is a Kabirian or the Bissau ethnic people. but how can i talk to a lady rapped in a blanket with no cloths on. they have two kids so he cannot exit the marraige.
I commend him for trying his best to change that attitude in the lady. i thought it will be better for another female person to advice her than a male.
we are not good at such situations.
what would you do, if he asked you to talk to his wife about in-house manners? |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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Hiz Princess
United Kingdom
464 Posts |
Posted - 15 Jan 2009 : 21:40:28
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Santanfara I am not a Muslim however I still would not sit naked in my home with a duvet wrapped around me knowing I have guests. You do not have to be of any denomination to conduct yourself in a respectable manner.
She sounds to me like she may be suffering from depression you mention she has children maybe this is the case, especially if, as you say he is there because they have children this does not sound like a healthy relationship.
I don't think this is anything to do with manners maybe she feels isolated and this is her way of hitting back at the husband. Why does he want you to talk about Muslim ideals? She is not Muslim has she an interest in such things?
I enjoy listening about different religions but not everyone feels like that. I don't mean to get on your friends back but if he wanted a woman with Muslim ideals why didn't he marry a Muslim woman?
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Dalton1
3485 Posts |
Posted - 15 Jan 2009 : 23:13:33
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Hi Uncle Suntou,
Thanks for sharing. With caution, if your friend is online with us, he probably will be more embarrassed to see his life put in Bantaba.
business aside,
Is the lady beautiful? -I mean tall, slim, big eyes, shinny thighs, polished nails with designs, et ceta?
Did you stay to give her dawah?
I totally share your frustration that the situation could be a test for a giant man like you, but it could be a struggling moment for weak others, beacuse the eyes and mind are such for them, they would like to look, and look and look...until day breaks.
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"There is no god but Allah (SWT); and Muhammad (SAW)is His last messenger." shahadah. Fear & Worship Allah (SWT) Alone! (:
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 08:47:28
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HP, thanks for that comment. I didn't mention religion to profile the lady. rather the oppossite, those who know the Kabirians in Bissau will tell you that, they are very open and well, lebral minded. whilst an average pratising muslim is very strict on certain things especially on women dress. this was is why i mention her faith. but yes, if you look at the English culture over the years, the clothing of women became lebral and mini sometime in the sixties. so to be conservative is in fact a European tradition as well an African tradition. some africans in-fact wear very less cloths sister, go to some parts of the Kenyian tribal communities. and also he love the lady according to him. the reference about not exiting is my own obsevation. some men however strain their relationship became will not leave if they had a chid with the woman. is it not the English who said "love is blind"? we mandinkas would say, "kano mann jujenke lun" love doesn't know a twisted bum or backside. the translation may be wrong. i guess despearte times requires desperate measures.
Dalton. oh no, my nigerian friend is not on bantaba and i have many friends among them. becise, i will never mention a name or title. this is for folks to know that people have different outlook in life. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 09:00:16
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quote:
Originally posted by Santanfara
"kano mann jujenke lun" love doesn't know a twisted bum or backside. the translation may be wrong. i guess despearte times requires desperate measures.
Oh boy Santa. you are killing me... |
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Hiz Princess
United Kingdom
464 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 14:45:06
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quote:
Originally posted by Santanfara
HP, thanks for that comment. I didn't mention religion to profile the lady. rather the oppossite, those who know the Kabirians in Bissau will tell you that, they are very open and well, lebral minded. whilst an average pratising muslim is very strict on certain things especially on women dress. this was is why i mention her faith. but yes, if you look at the English culture over the years, the clothing of women became lebral and mini sometime in the sixties. so to be conservative is in fact a European tradition as well an African tradition. some africans in-fact wear very less cloths sister, go to some parts of the Kenyian tribal communities. and also he love the lady according to him. the reference about not exiting is my own obsevation. some men however strain their relationship became will not leave if they had a chid with the woman. is it not the English who said "love is blind"? we mandinkas would say, "kano mann jujenke lun" love doesn't know a twisted bum or backside. the translation may be wrong. i guess despearte times requires desperate measures.
Dalton. oh no, my nigerian friend is not on bantaba and i have many friends among them. becise, i will never mention a name or title. this is for folks to know that people have different outlook in life.
I love the mandinka quote some English people would also say love is blind not stupid.
I guess I have a problem with the whole stay together for the kids mentality this is not healthy for the relationships and even more importantly for the kids, many adults do not give children the recognition of knowing exactly what is going on.
I seriously think that this woman may have some more complex problems and maybe he should seek medical advice. Maybe they both need counseling.
Id like to think that I'm quite liberal minded theres not much now that shocks me lol. However I dress according to what I suppose id call purpose. What's acceptable for a nightclub or bar is not what I would consider for work and I'm sensitive to other peoples wishes.
Although I have no idea what Dalton's point of the polished nails with designs was?? I do find mine draw a lot of admiration by the women in Gambia. |
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mbay
Germany
1007 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 16:04:28
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when the husband already calls before you arrival and check it ones more as you get there, then it seems normal for them ,as he told you before you enter that EVERYTHING's OK...and said, his wife don't wear anything in the house.(hoply not always particular in front of the kids &...
Yes, its uncomfortable and embarrassing in some culture or religions but let it be different as we are.
If that will be my friend, i will as him if there is free location in the house far from the lady or simply do as you.
Yes we learns something here again but what happen to you cannot be avoided (cos you never know what is waiting you there) unless it happens so next time caution can took its place.
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