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turk
USA
3356 Posts |
 Posted - 09 Jan 2009 : 05:39:26
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According to stats, two out of three marriages end with divorce. What is wrong with marriage institution?
- Women now have more economic freedom. Their dependencies on men is less. So they don't have to stay with the husbands not good enough for them.
- Men and Women have alternatives and options. They meet and socialize with other men/women that makes them consider if they are with the right person.
- People got married later as they are used to their freedom, marriage may became like a prison after all the freedom.
- Modern human desires are more complex. 100 years ago, one wanted a home, children, now people want other things such as a partner they like to talk about music, art current affaris.
- Sexual freedom. Both men and women have more liberated sexual preferernces. They may not like their partner sexually and see another one.
- No more arrange or force marriage. But now, people got married on the internet. It is ok a russian to get married with south african while the world is smaller.
So, is marriage institution out of time. Should we get rid of it? How can we change it?
What do you guys all think?
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diaspora! Too many Chiefs and Very Few Indians.
Halifa Salah: PDOIS is however realistic. It is fully aware that the Gambian voters are yet to reach a level of political consciousness that they rely on to vote on the basis of Principles, policies and programmes and practices. |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jan 2009 : 08:18:51
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| Turk, why should we stop something because some others fell out of love? people will always have different world view. some engage in marital activities well before marrying, so if marriage is to do with overlooking each others short comings and you already start fighting during testing times, what do you expect. it has nothing to do with women gaining economic freedom or this and that. women of course what independence in terms of finance, but they like men also want love and care. only a syco man would deny her spouse of that rights. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jan 2009 : 09:34:01
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I like to look at marriage from an evolutionary point of view; and because of that I am not surprised that the institution of marriage is rapidly failing. The underlying forces of love and marriage has to do with the principles of the "survival of the fittest".
The long period of gestation in higher animals and the many years of dependence of the human offspring makes it necessary for a long term relationship between parents (marriage). Therefore, it appears that "marriage", at least originally, makes it possible for offsprings to have a good chance of survival as both parents pull their resources together. For example while the mother is gestating (pregnancy) and lactating (breastfeeding), the father could serve as hunter and gatherer (bread winner). Marriage makes sense in this respect; I think it was a woman's (female's) idea though  .
However, as human societies advance economically and technologically, coupled with gender equality, population mobility, falling birth rates and reproductive technology, these basic underlying forces of marriage become weakened. Already, over half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce and I suspect Europe might be worse, they are usually worse than we are in many things (just kidding)  . This trend of falling rates of marriage is likely to continue.
It is also true that modern human beings often do not have flat personalities; a lot of times we all now have what is called component lifestyles. These means that one can be an academician, a soccer player, an adherent to hip hop culture, and more all at the same time. Because of this component lifestyles, people are likely to build multiple intertwined and inter-connecting relationships, all of which exert a huge strain on a marital relationship. As a result, married couples often find themselves at different stages of personal growth and experience (Toffler, A. 1983) thereby creating increased chances of disagreements and separation. |
Edited by - kayjatta on 09 Jan 2009 09:35:21 |
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Momodou
Denmark
11804 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jan 2009 : 15:26:59
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quote:
Originally posted by turk
According to stats, two out of three marriages end with divorce. What is wrong with marriage institution?........
Turk, which country/region is your statistics based on? Is it referring to marriage between mixed couples or marriages between two natives? |
A clear conscience fears no accusation - proverb from Sierra Leone |
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turk
USA
3356 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jan 2009 : 21:16:35
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Momodou. Stats was about the recent marriages after baby-boom in western world including mix couples or marriages between two natives as well.
santa
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Turk, why should we stop something because some others fell out of love?
I am not stoping marriages. There are people who find love and happy which is no problem. But if significant number of people are fell out of love, than looking at the issue deserves attention.
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some engage in marital activities well before marrying, so if marriage is to do with overlooking each others short comings and you already start fighting during testing times, what do you expect.
I am not sure if your theory would be correct because majority of couples in the west do have chance to know each other before the marriage. Many have date, long boy-friend/girl friend. But the day they got married things change, they realized they made a big mistake :)
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it has nothing to do with women gaining economic freedom or this and that.
You must be joking, that one of the most important reason for marriage is failing as kayjatta pointed out earlier. Now women have strong position in the social settings as they are manager, powerfull people. They don't have to stay in the relationship because of economic conventient. Of course they like to have love and care, but if there is a problem in the marriage, their tolerance level or patience is not too high. They already have ability to take care of themselves, they just leave the men who does not deserve them.
I agree with Kayjatta's posting that support my initial idea that marriage institution needs be ve revisit due to different times. We don't get rid of it but we have to redefine the relationship. Issues.
- Who takes care of child? I accept the fact that mother is more fit than a men to take care of child but after certain age, say 4 years old, both parents fit equally.
- In Jamaica and some part of west indies, there is a very different type of relationship we observe in Muslim world or western world. Women may engage multiple relationship just like men and that is accepted by the society. Their family structure is different.
- Divorce rate is very low in Gambian or many other muslim society due to economic dependence of women and traditional values.
- While women have more equal right, there is still bias in the law system in the west favoring women.
- Women are equal to women, why would they sacrifice first when parents decide who should work.
- Why men can't stay home and take care of kids.
Many things can change/will change in these modern times.
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diaspora! Too many Chiefs and Very Few Indians.
Halifa Salah: PDOIS is however realistic. It is fully aware that the Gambian voters are yet to reach a level of political consciousness that they rely on to vote on the basis of Principles, policies and programmes and practices. |
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2009 : 12:38:10
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Kayjatta, I agree with most of your arguments. Just let me add the empty, pubertal concept of love and marital life, spread by films, popsongs, tabloids and trivial literature, which creates illusions and is partly responsible for many a broken marriage.
For me, marriage is most of all a matter of companionship and solidarity. Every other point is negotiable
P.S.: We celebrated our 14. wedding anniversary some days ago... |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2009 : 12:46:04
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| Wonderful Serenata, happy anniversary. My wife and I will be 11 next month ... |
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2009 : 12:57:49
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Thanks, Kayjatta!
Congratulations in advance bring bad luck , so I keep my best wishes for you and your wife by myself until your anniversary day. On that day they may leave my head and find you! (special serenata witchcraft  ) |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2009 : 13:10:51
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| Aha superstitions, Serenata . Thanks anayway, I will remind you ... |
Edited by - kayjatta on 12 Jan 2009 13:11:50 |
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Sibo
Denmark
231 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 09:47:04
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| Correct me if I´m wrong Turk, but from what I understand from your last posting, you seem to put the marriage failing issue on women. Just becauce women have economic independence, they dont wanna stay married, is that what you are saying?????? |
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fee_sweetie
United Kingdom
127 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 10:34:29
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quote:
Originally posted by turk
- Who takes care of child? I accept the fact that mother is more fit than a men to take care of child but after certain age, say 4 years old, both parents fit equally.
???? What happens to the child after the age of 4 that makes a man able to take care of that child?????????????? The child hasnt grown an extra head?? It is the same child that was born 4 years ago!!!!!! Women know just as much or little as men about raising children, so why you think a mother is more fit is crazy?!?!?!?!?!
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[i]- In Jamaica and some part of west indies, there is a very different type of relationship we observe in Muslim world or western world. Women may engage multiple relationship just like men and that is accepted by the society. Their family structure is different.
Just in Jamaica ??? I dont think so.........There are many women and men who find it acceptable to have many relationships at the one time all over the world.
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[i]- Why men can't stay home and take care of kids.
??? Eh they do!!!! We live in the 21st century in the UK and many men do choose to stay at home and be the house husband and take full resopsibilty of the children while the woman works.
I think its a bit harsh to insinuate that two out of three marriages that end with divorce is down to the fault of the women!?!?!?!? Women have every right to have an independant life and get as much out of their life as possible, hey men have been doing it for Decades so its every right that we as females finally get treated as equals!
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"Religion is an insult to human dignity. Without it you'd have good people doing good things + evil people doing evil things but for good people to do evil things it takes religion"- Richard Dawkins |
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Hiz Princess
United Kingdom
464 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 12:19:21
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| Fee wouldnt you say this is deffinately male insecurity has nothing to do with the women just men left behind in the dark ages. Some men get it those who dont get left behind. |
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fee_sweetie
United Kingdom
127 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 13:00:35
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Fee wouldnt you say this is deffinately male insecurity has nothing to do with the women just men left behind in the dark ages. Some men get it those who dont get left behind.
Im guessing you could be on to some thing there! |
"Religion is an insult to human dignity. Without it you'd have good people doing good things + evil people doing evil things but for good people to do evil things it takes religion"- Richard Dawkins |
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toubab1020
12314 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 13:24:13
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| Me ? I am just watching this one !! |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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Edited by - toubab1020 on 16 Jan 2009 13:25:13 |
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Hiz Princess
United Kingdom
464 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 14:34:51
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quote:
Originally posted by toubab1020
Me ? I am just watching this one !!
LOl toubab live dangerously
I really think some men are threatened by successful self confident women so as a defense they use this as an attack, whether its broken marriages or society's ills these are placed on the women's shoulders.
How many times have you heard that kids running riot are at the fault of single mothers or working mothers no mention of the fathers
Id also like to ask where in Jamaica its a acceptable part of society to have multiple partners damn i missed that 1 |
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toubab1020
12314 Posts |
Posted - 16 Jan 2009 : 17:24:51
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| As I said, I know my place,Mums the word !!! |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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