 |
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
Santanfara
3460 Posts |
 Posted - 21 Dec 2007 : 18:17:53
|
Thursday, 20 December 2007
OUR THIS CULTURE
The cultures we have in the SeneGambia region need looking into.The whole system needs overhauling.From child upbringing to the mechanism of societal structures.Why is this our culture getting so messy and frosty ?
Parents desiring only material wealth from offspring's,they wish to flash the status thing.No one asks how the wealth is gain ,all the people want is MONEY ,MONEY,MONEY.
From the early 80's to present ,the SeneGambia travellers to the European countries create a climate a of false hope and huge desires.The Semester syndrome. Many a Mother and father taken to Mecca for hajj now a status symbol not a religious right.The wealth use to transport and support parents in hajj are usually very suspicious. But what clarification do the parents demand before using suspect wealth for a religious act ? none. Using unclean money for hajj is very serious.The parents act ignorant of the wrong ways most of this wealth is gain. In reality are they ignorant of the funny ways this tens of thousand of Dalasis are put together ?
I think not.
Why is it that our parents don't bother how they get fed,how they go on hajj ,the shoppings they do ,the philanthropic activities they engage in; why is it that they don't question the sources of this wealth?
I blame it this our culture .Our society has change so bad,all what matters now is money,money,money. Any how one gets it ,that doesn't matter. Just get it and do big things.
The traditional pillars of of our culture and societies; the parents are now into worldly material things equal to youngsters.
The concluded hajj will create another party chance.Yes a party chance.The hujaj will return back home shortly and the hundred thousand Dalasis plus spent of the hajj package will be increase by another welcoming party.The families in the SeneGambia will organise a family and friends together party for the new hajji. He/She will bring presents for all the family member ,this act of buying and thinking about what presents to buy is so stressful ,some hajjis lost touch with the real purpose of hajj itself.They keep thinking of what present to buy for the many family members.
Th real significance of hajj is lost .The time that should be spent on prayers and invocations are lost ,the time of meditation and self-analysis is lost .The hajj that should be an emotional journey end up being the most stressful time of that particular individual hajji's life.What happen to us ? After hajj one should change spiritualy for the better. ,but how many do change from their old wayward ways?
I blame it on our now culture of show off .The look at me mentality.The boastfulness culture.
The day when our parents use to be strong with both their male and female children is more or less lost. The days children use to be asked to explain were and why they have come home late is a matter of importance is lost .The hard work culture of our elders is more or less gone taken over by my son or daughter is in paradise Europe hopes.
The questioning of children is very tricky ,especially if that son or daughter is responsible for putting food on the table.Whether he/she romance old western ladies or old western men,whether he/she do the easy rider thing or not ,it doesn't matter much now,all the parents want is money.
Truth became clouded and very hard to tell.Loyalty and trust hardly no more.What happen to our culture ?
Event likes weddings,naming ceremonies are another avenues of wastage and bravado .The poor push them self to breaking point just to proof some thing.The sincere donations are largely not sincere. What happen to helping Friend Ous for the sake of God and friendship? What happen to us? I seek answers because i am young,i wish my children to grow up in a good society. I am not blaming any one, i am included in the derailing of our values .
What can we do to halt this situations ? many are doing things just to fulfil others expectations of them ,that need to change.
Posted by SUNTOU TOURAY at 0
http://suntoumana.blogspot.com/
|
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
|
|
kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 21 Dec 2007 : 21:54:00
|
Suntou, thanks for your post. You have raised some very fundamental and important qustions here.
First of all i think it is natural and understadable that people want to feel important, they want to feel they mattered, they want to feel counted. Furthermore, culture has placed a burden on its members to do as others do. This might be called cultural comformity.Hence most of the pump and show off we see are a matter of "I have to be like the Edwards and the Thomases...", excuse my Western analogies.
Money, as you rightly said, might arguably be the modern day Frankenstein of the marketplace, yet I believe it was Mark Twain who said that "lack of money is the root of all evil".
Secondly the 'cultural erosion' of Senegambia in my view can be looked at from two perspectives. First is the natural evolution of culture itself since culture is not static. Second is the environmental (physical, economic, etc) change, which instigates social and cultural change. These two dimensions of cultural change probably feed each other too.
One argument i will make in favor of money is that it is a legal tender, meaning that it is good and is acceptable on face value. Parents are not obligated to cross-examine (even in a legal sense) their kids about the source of their income. Good money(I mean money other than counterfeit money) is legitimate on face value, I think. However, their should be continous communication between Senegambian parents and their kids in 'Babylon', and a big part of that communication should be about advices to focus on doing legitimate things to make a living.
It is however possible that many parents are turning a blind eye to their kid's illegitimate earnings because of the degrading pressure of poverty. Unless poverty is tackled effectively by the government and the burden of the survival of Senegambian parents removed from the shoulders of their offsprings many of those in 'Babylon' ill equipped to make a decent living, and yet under intense pressure to send money home, may resort to illegitimate means of making a living and of course ultimately pay a price for it.
However, I am not really aware of many SeneGambians engaging in criminal or illegitimate means of making money...
I am also appalled that many in Senegambia spent a lifetime earnings to do the Hajj in Saudi Arabia even though their families continue to live in abject poverty, children uneducated, poorly fed,clothed and housed.Sometime I wonder if anyone really qualify for the Hajj considering the abject poverty in our country that lives year by year on international aid.
Finally, I think SeneGambian society must not be treated distinct from its politics and economy. What we experience in the society is a real reflection of the political and economic condition of our people.
Thanks again for your great post, Santafara. |
Edited by - kayjatta on 22 Dec 2007 06:28:33 |
 |
|
|
anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 08:48:46
|
Santanfara, thank you for your very honest reflections - you give us all a lot to think about. For myself, i have to say that i'm thinking about this so often that sometimes it gives me a headache. And this phenomenon of dependency, expectancy and greed (there is no other word, i am sorry) sometimes causes conflict between me and my Gambian partner, who works six days a week. Is he enjoying the good income he has? No. Why the conflicts? Because the requests (or should i say demands?) become more and more ridiculous. It gets him mad, walking up and down the room going on and on about that 'this is not why he is working 6 days a week, getting on his bike 7 in the morning dressed in three layers of clothes because it is so bitterly cold'. I try to keep my mouth shut but in the end i have to tell him 'tell them NO, want they expect from you is not fair'. But then there is always this feeling of loyalty to his family and dutifulness that makes him turn against me and we quarrel about it (though i know very well that in his heart of hearts he agrees with me). I can see the same thing happening to his friends over here, some of whom are finding themselves in serious financial trouble because they didn't want their families to know that really they were not in a position to meet all the demands. Most of them are unskilled workers, salaries are low and life in Europe is far more difficult and expensive than the families in the Gambia could possibly know. Most of them (my partner included) do not want to go to the Gambia for Tobaski, because the 'buy me, buy me' starts the minute they step off the plane. Unfortunately!!
What is behind all this? Ignorance first of all, i would say. And as Kayjatta says, the Gambian government should work much harder to tackle the big problem of poverty. But also greed, i do not mind saying it again, and indeed the wanting to show off, the idea that you are a better person when you have more possessions. I know 'keeping up with the Jones's' is a western expressions, but i sometimes have the idea that 'keeping up' is not enough for Gambian families - it is about 'outshining' as i have already said in previous postings.
My partner's mother once said to us that 'now all the luck of her eleven children landed on the head of her eldest son'. Fine, great! So now he's responsible for the money for clothes and presents when someone gets married, for the Tobaski ram, for the repairing of the roof of some family member's house, for the mobiles, for........a family member going to Mecca next?
In the meantime his able bodied brothers who are still in the Gambia do not feel responsible for anything.
|
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
|
|
|
kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 09:18:45
|
| Anna you are absolutely right... |
|
|
|
jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 09:26:44
|
Anna, anna, well done, you are so right
I know 'keeping up with the Jones's' is a western expressions, but i sometimes have the idea that 'keeping up' is not enough for Gambian families - it is about 'outshining' as i have already said in previous postings. this expectation frightens me, every single person on the bantaba knows this position. If they used the money for the right purposes they would not be expecting.
letting the family down is one thing, because I expect people to help their families, but sometimes they create a climate of dependency. I never did understand why they never moved forward, and then someone explained the eldest son situation. but i answered back he has given them a start, education fees all paid for, provided for the familiy home new roof, a business for two brothers, helped with the land. at what stage does it stop. i asked when does it stop, when do they support themselves, when he dies was the answer.
I now understand a lot better, it nevers seems to stop.
|
|
|
|
lurker
509 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 09:44:06
|
do not start me on this one!
seven years of supporting the mother-in-law and her son, half-brother to my wife.
my wife sends her monthly food money and rent as well. and tbaski money and koriteh money and the rest. in seven years do we get a thanbk you? do we get a call to ask how we are, how the grandchild is, how the pregnancy is? do we get the money used wisely?
no, no , no , no and more noes.
the rent is in arrears. the food money is wasted on useless scroungers who here the woman has a few dalasis and come and sit in the house til they are fed, and then ask for transport to cover their scrounging trip!
the woman , alas, is not bright, and falls for every bumse.
the son has had his school fees paid for years - no thabnk yous, no calls, no letters. then he tries to con my wife out of money for some bogus business which a child could see is crap.
the motjer even borrows money back off the landlord.
the whole group dynamic is rotten to the core, a waste of time and an emotional nightmare.
my wife is constantly stressed. so am i. where is the love or pleasure in all this?there is none.
i tell her why is it that any one else who wants more goes and gets a job - of any kind - or at least tries. anyone else pays the rent so at least tehre is roof over their heads in tougher times. they never use the money to pay the bills.
the boy earns 4000D a month and contributes not one butut ever to the household he lives and eats in.
yet my wife , who is the eldest , feels pressured into continuing to support these good-for-nothings.
now i know other families may be decent and grateful and sensible etc. this one is not. but the pattern is similar in so many cases.
what is wrong with the gambian mentality? i seem never to see the gratitude or the love. just the hands out for more. and yet these people are luckier than most and should acknowledge this.
where is the love??????
my mother -in-law usesd to live in sh-thole with a longdrop and a corrugetd iron leaky roof in bakau. now she has a two bed flat with electricity and a fridge and beds and a shower and loo. yet she never repairs the faults, leaves her rent unpaid, claims she is hort of money for food and yet she gets 6000d a month and her rent money sent over.
then we hear of the leaches who come and bumse her rice and food and money.
you get the feeling that they get cut off one day and go back to having to work and live in sh-t like they used to. when do they realise their fortune?
well, that's off my chest.
thanks for listening? |
|
|
|
anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 09:50:34
|
'when he dies was the answer' 
Jambo, you are frightening me!
|
|
|
|
anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 10:05:43
|
Lurker, i was listening carefully!
It is true, the taking-it-for-granted is disappointing, to say the least. When my partner transfers money, most of the time he has to phone himself to ask if it was received without any problem. Everytime i hear him ask his family member if perhaps next time she would be so kind as to buy a 45 dal credit for her phone to let him know the money that he worked hard for, has arrived. But everytime, she forgets about that........
Indeed, it causes stress in our little household as well. But i stand by my partner and i am proud and relieved that he is of an altogether different mentality than some (not all - i want to make that perfectly clear, there are family members that are happy with his contribution and who put the money to good use) of the people that depend on him. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
|
|
|
jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 10:26:22
|
Anna, never met to frighten you but it means for life,
i was trying figure out do they have the obligation until the youngest child finishes school or some timeline, but they said no for life, till death. an eldest son is an eldest son, no time limit. |
|
|
|
jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 10:30:25
|
lurker, you made me smile, but also made me think. i do not have any family to support and have made it clear do not look to me for help. did it work no way, when i go back i here school fees have not been paid, but i can see the child has a new bike , there is electricity in the house, but the bill for nawec has not been paid. it is my problem NO, SHOULD I HELP, NO, if i feel gulity about saying no, the burden on those with blood connections must be harder. definately a mentality change is needed but how |
|
|
|
Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 10:56:04
|
| kay,anna,lurker and jambo ,very good responses.this trend is a sad factor for many gambian living and working abroad. all what you contributors said are hard facts.many will take courage from your postinsg and make a stand.the English docritrine of look after number first bear fruit here.couple's need to tell their partners that continuing to send your little money will expose you to more dangers and hardship later in life.and the sad thing is,as soon as you take a stand and stop sending money frequently ,the blame game starts but heey who cares .i only do what will not hurt me. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 11:02:40
|
All Gambians are kind of guilty of contributing to this dependency syndrome.This is a thorny issue, I know Santafara did not expect this topic to twist in this direction.
My wife and I send between $300 to $500 to the Gambia every month, on average, to support the extended family. Is that money always put to the best use? Absolutely not.
But this is why it is so painful to have a government that is not answerable to the people's needs. In short, we in the diaspora are subsidising the economic bad behavior of the Gambian leadership, we are paying the price for it with our hard earned dollars and pounds. That is why it so disgusting and shameful to have the government read out loud that remittances from the diaspora is what in large part keeps the Gambian economy afloat. Ridiculous , ain't it? |
|
|
|
jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 11:05:15
|
kayjatta, i disagree, if they used the money for the purpose it was meant for, some people would not be dependent, do they need a new bike, latest clothes, if they could get their priorities in order it would help.
For you to be sending that amount of money away and not seeing any results is a shame. |
|
|
|
Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 11:08:19
|
quote:
Originally posted by kayjatta
All Gambians are kind of guilty of contributing to this dependency syndrome.This is a thorny issue, I know Santafara did not expect this topic to twist in this direction.
My wife and I send between $300 to $500 to the Gambia every month, on average, to support the extended family. Is that money always put to the best use? Absolutely not.
But this is why it is so painful to have a government that is not answerable to the people's needs. In short, we in the diaspora are subsidising the economic bad behavior of the Gambian leadership, we are paying the price for it with our hard earned dollars and pounds. That is why it so disgusting and shameful to have the government read out loud that remittances from the diaspora is what in large part keeps the Gambian economy afloat. Ridiculous , ain't it?
true brother. can you imagine some folks taking out loans to take parents for hajj ? what a nonsence.that is not allowed.hajj should be done when one can afford it not by taking out loans.the high interest rate that accrue on those loans make it even harder to repay.why should a son/daughter living in u.s or europe take out such high interest bearing loans to make parents happy ? kay ,the topic is kind of an open ended one.thanks for the inspiring post. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 11:10:55
|
| i thought loans were not allowed |
|
|
|
Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 11:19:02
|
quote:
Originally posted by jambo
i thought loans were not allowed
yeab.it is not allowed but so engaing in drugs,and other unlawful dealinsg.they just want the name that i took my parent to hajj.thats it ,any how that happen fine by them.this is wrong. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
| Bantaba in Cyberspace |
© 2005-2024 Nijii |
|
|
|
Topic Locked
