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jambo
3300 Posts |
 Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 11:29:43
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| oaky now i get it. i think that is why i have enjoyed going to the rural villages, less competitiveness, more traditional values. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 11:31:24
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"I blame it on our now culture of show off .The look at me mentality.The boastfulness culture."
this i agree with, but if you buy into this you are as guility of supporting it and much as they are guilty of wanting it. CONSUMERISM is everywhere. |
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Prince
507 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 17:22:54
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I foolishly tired to get the dependancy off my shoulders by teahing them how to catch fish instead of handing out regular fish, by starting up a business for them.
I didn't know that i was just igniting the neuvo-riche machine within them. Their mismanagement almost impressed me, and it forced me to hold back on helping them, but like Jombo said, its harder when you have blood relations...
Sometimes I even assume that my Gambian family have a genetic tendency to live from hand-to-mouth. NEVER saving for a rainy day.
I don't know what to do, its even too stressful to think of!
What do you guys do (suggest doing) to optimize unnecessary expenditure??? |
"When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty." |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 17:57:49
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prince ,the story is sad all round.any Gambian you asked will narrate the same story to you .from rich families to poor families.the rate of taking from other is too high and no one learnt any lesson.i did what you did .i started a shop and bought a van.i empahitically told them ,i am not sending any penny .i stop even making regular phone calls.they tried initialy to pretend that nothing happened.any time i called ,they will tell me the van break down ,we need money to fix it.i told them ,well i have nothing.and i will hang up.after six months ,they knew i mean business .now they fix the van by themself,the shop run fine and they even text me to see how i am doing .we most show them the will to let them learn to do things themself.my mother is very different i most say.she never asked me for any thing .she knows how to manage her affairs.the problem lies with the extended ,but the frequent calling contribute to the problems.help when you are financially able.and give that which will not hurt you .the advice of the prophet of islam is that ''never extend your hand full strech ''meaning don't give and then you suffer .many young people give out and then they start to borrow from friends ,that is wrong.we need to help each other realise that there should be other ways to help out people.start by not contributing large sums in their weddings and naming ceremonies.
i was chatting with guy in u.k a while ago,he spent two hundred thousand dalasis plus on his wedding .i was shocked.i couldn't believe him,then he phone his brother in my presence ,the brother said it is true.the brother paid half the money for his elder brother.i asked him ,why that much amount ? he said he is from niani region and there weddings are a competition .if your wedding is not expensive you get talked about .how silly .and we abroad also contribute to this mess .we help send large sums for naming ceremonies and weddings.the trend just get continuous. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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lurker
509 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 18:52:11
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you know, it is hard from a toubab point of view to give and receive no thanks. you give and a smile makes it worthwhile.
these experiences make you want to stop all the financial support as it is a bottomless pit and never reaches the optimum level.
but, of course, you cannot let people go back to the street if they are family.
where is the level of mutual satisfaction?
it seems to me that Gambians( and maybe others, too) need to learn to be grateful to their western sponsors. Even if they are not used to effusive displays, they need to at least understand that you must not bite the hand that feeds you.
They need to learn to prioritise basic arrangements such as rent and monthly food budgeting.
The toubabs have to toughen up and learn to say no the pis*-taking they get in return for their help. all toubabs are marked targets - we all know this, but families ought to have respect for their sponsors and show it.
There are enough toubab links to most families now for this not t o be a huge cultural impasse.
After all, who benefits from this relationship? Not i, that's for sure. this is familial charity and it is one way. I knew this when i married a Gambian, so i am not griping. I , however, did not expect the only call i would receive in the next 7 yrs to be a bumse of the most rubbish proportions.
The comment about teaching someone to fish lasting a lifetime instead of giving them a fish or two is tried and tested. maybe people need to fend for themselves in order to learn the menaing of money.
Alas, it simply is not going to happen, and i fear that we , the sponsors, are going to face this endless ingratitude and disrespect and profligacy for as long as we are wedded to their progeny. Should we choose to cut off the flow, we get the reciprocal from the spouse! |
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turk
USA
3356 Posts |
Posted - 22 Dec 2007 : 21:12:25
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| I send money to my-mother-in-law. She appreciates. I send her a good gambian salary every month. My brother-in-law never ask any money. He is proud. He works hard. But I try helping him. He show appreciation when I do something for him. So far so good. But the problem starts with 100,000 other relatives. They have no food but they want mobile. they have no money for school, they want nike sneakers. One of them told me that she needs to go wedding ceromony, she needs 500 dalasi for gift. I usually give them my 'well known bantaba attitude'. P i s s off. I am only responsible for my mother-in-law. Others will receive my help when my heart desires. And I told them, in foreign, we don't pick the money from the threes. When we arrive in europe there is no city band playing for us in the train station or airport with the list of jobs we can work. (like in 60s in european welcoming to turkish immigrants). |
diaspora! Too many Chiefs and Very Few Indians.
Halifa Salah: PDOIS is however realistic. It is fully aware that the Gambian voters are yet to reach a level of political consciousness that they rely on to vote on the basis of Principles, policies and programmes and practices. |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
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lurker
509 Posts |
Posted - 23 Dec 2007 : 10:11:35
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| so i see - but i did not take part, so forgive me for having my say and do not feel obliged to repeat anything you said at the time. |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 23 Dec 2007 : 19:38:29
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quote:
Originally posted by lurker
so i see - but i did not take part, so forgive me for having my say and do not feel obliged to repeat anything you said at the time.
no problem lurker.have your say.many may join in later. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 24 Dec 2007 : 19:47:47
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i most add that ,there are two side to every story.the overwhelming majority of gambians and friends of gambians do extend materail help to family and friends but we must not forget about the ones that completely ignore their familes as well.
yes some gambians do go to other extreme,they completely abandon their relations and family .this is also another fact.my take on the topic is that we need a middle ground .don't forget to help but when you can afford it.give valuable adivice all the time and make them hear you clearly.explain the difficulties and constraints .
the other group of us who forget completely about their family's back home need to remember ,making a phone call onces in a while is also a good thing. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 26 Dec 2007 : 07:45:35
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| Good point Santafara, there are two sides to this issue, and it is best to be supportive but not to allow misuse and abuse of the help you give... |
Edited by - kayjatta on 26 Dec 2007 11:36:05 |
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Prince
507 Posts |
Posted - 26 Dec 2007 : 13:21:05
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quote:
Originally posted by Santanfara
i most add that ,there are two side to every story.the overwhelming majority of gambians and friends of gambians do extend materail help to family and friends but we must not forget about the ones that completely ignore their familes as well.
yes some gambians do go to other extreme,they completely abandon their relations and family .this is also another fact.my take on the topic is that we need a middle ground .don't forget to help but when you can afford it.give valuable adivice all the time and make them hear you clearly.explain the difficulties and constraints .
the other group of us who forget completely about their family's back home need to remember ,making a phone call onces in a while is also a good thing.
Thanks for the other side of the issue Santanfara, BUT I do believe that whole scenario (not calling home) is circumstantial. I'll find it very hard to imagine a Gambian who was brought up in a home instead of a house,to totally ignore his family and cease all significant contacts with them for no justifiable reason.
I know some friends who only mattered to to their family when they started making money, these people are often hostile towards their families back home,and i understand their plight. I try to preach peace but i never outrightly condemn their actions.
What i'm trying to say is, the people who collects, lavish and lie about money sent to them far outnumber those who don't call home unjustifiably.
The subjective question is: Is it obligatory to help?
U may agree with me on the less subjective but obligatory issue of saying thank you and spending prudently when given money as a good will gesture!
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"When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty." |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 27 Dec 2007 : 10:36:14
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prince,you wrote some very powerful stuffs.to help will be obligatory on one when it is your birth parents.that is an islamic ,christian and judahiac tradition.one's birth parents most be look after when they need your assistance.the balance is that,you should do that with affordability and sincerity. God himself said in the quran''i do not put a burden on you that you cannot bear ''surah bagarah last two verses.
if we are out to help our parents ,we must also explain to them the circumstances we find ourselves in.times are hard in the global world today.if things are smooth ,then increase the assistance but if the earning is megre ,tell them the facts and let them adjust their life style according what is available.
as for those gambians who abandon their families ,you would be surprise prince.the truth is ,the majority extend support ,but there are others who don't.
as i said ,affordability and expalining helps.the frustrating thing is ,as some one mentioned earlier ,they don't confirmed whether they received the money tramsmited or not.so you the sender have to call again to confirmed that.that for me is very sad.may god reward us abundantly for our sacrifices.amen. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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