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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
 Posted - 27 Aug 2007 : 17:05:39
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quote:
Originally posted by Janko
Serenata, your insightfullness.......................really
Irony or not?  |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 27 Aug 2007 : 18:30:46
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quote:
Originally posted by turk
sister santafara
Oh these are some popular craps from american jingos.
turk ,i am brother santanfara . |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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briana
32 Posts |
Posted - 27 Aug 2007 : 19:28:56
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quote:
Originally posted by twinkly
Is it an insult if I say African women in general are more serious, respectful and concious when it comes to being a wife?
Maybe to you......
Read properly and don't look for something that is not there please.
It is simply easier to have a Gambian wife because she already knows the lifestyle, and expectations of a marriage(on both sides!)
No way is a Gambian woman submissive she simply knows her role as a woman and a wife.
It is such a complex issue and the ears that ask don't want to hear the truth, so how will we ever come to a conclusion?
I have to say I understand and agree with what Twinkly is trying to say here. I don't believe she means Gambian women 'know their role' in any sort of demeaning way. I think she just means when two Gambians marry eachother (just as when two Europeans or two Americans marry)they both know their marriage roles and how to interact with eachother better than when a Gambian marries a westerner. In that situation, there is just bound to be more ambiguity. I'm married to a Gambian. Although we both speak English, that doesn't mean there's any shortage of trouble understanding eachother properly. Marriage is difficult in any intance, and it's most probably more challenging when partners are from different cultures and have different ways of interacting with eachother and dealing with various situations. Sometimes, the cultural differences are so subtle it's hard to even realize how they're affecting the relationship, although they undoubtedly are. It is indeed a very complex issue. Is it not possible that some of these young Gambian men are also naive/inexperienced enough to think the marriage will last, only to find out later it really isn't making them happy? |
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Janko
Gambia
1267 Posts |
Posted - 27 Aug 2007 : 19:47:07
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quote:
Originally posted by serenata
quote:
Originally posted by Janko
Serenata, your insightfullness.......................really
Irony or not?
No..............a compliment, but maybe not anymore, if I have to explain |
Clean your house before pointing a finger ... Never be moved by delirious Well-wishers in their ecstasy |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 09:46:46
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quote:
Originally posted by briana
Although we both speak English, that doesn't mean there's any shortage of trouble understanding eachother properly.
Sometimes, the cultural differences are so subtle it's hard to even realize how they're affecting the relationship, although they undoubtedly are.
Exactly!
Just this weekend, we had a rare row and why?
Because I lost my temper and don't think before I speak.And believe me, I am not rude or shouting about.Words and tones should be chosen very sensibly.He felt insulted and disrespected.And by right!!Why can I not say things in a nice way?
It is this sensitivity that many of us don't have and that in my view is the main reason for such realtionships not to work.
Of course to people like Gambiabev and co, I am submissive..........
But in my view I am learning how to be a better person and how to deal with my fellow human beings in a respectful and decent manner.There is no need to be rude or loud to get my point across.
Call me a doormat but I feel ashamed for such beahviour.I do wrong to somebody who didn't do me wrong.If we are wrong we should admit it and not block with our stubborness.
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 09:58:49
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There is a difference between being rude or loud and being assertive and standing up for your self. If you let a man take the upper hand all the time then that is being a doormat. In many of your postings you come across as very passive twinkly. Perhaps you dont intend to be that way, but that is what comes over.  |
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LEMON TIME
Afghanistan
1295 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 13:06:31
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| Since when does Women Wear trousers in the house aye,not in mine. Give them a finger they will have all your hand lol.You cant have two drivers- driving a car at the same time. |
There is no god but Allah |
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toubab1020
12311 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 13:10:56
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| O boy,you really want a fight dont you !!! |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 13:12:25
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| There should be no driver Lemon , its about partnership... |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 13:57:07
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Gambiabev
you are very anti men!
What makes you think a woman has to stand her ground all the time? What kind of relationships did you have?
You must have been oppressed, or why are you fighting men so much?
I don't need to stand up for myself, I can simply TALK with my other half and my thoughts are respected and vauled.And this happens in most relationships,unless you have a stupid woman who constantly has to show her power over the other.Of course one will block such attitudes.I would, if I was not valued.But you automatically assume that every woman who doesn't train her man to her standards is weak.
I have never been treated unfairly or badly.I feel I even have more power,which makes me sad,because of my "status".
This is exacly the problem we are talking about here.
A Gambian has to keep quiet because of his status.When married to a white in Europe, he is quite frankly trapped.He has to do how the woman wants it or she will use her power........
Gambiabev
please try and imagine a good man.
He was born in a disadvantaged country and believes in order to be able to build a future he needs to make money in Europe.Before he wants to marry, he would like to have his compound and stability.So he thinks the best way is to try his luck in Europe.
Now many have to go through yearlong, terrible ordeals to reach Europe(if he makes it alive)only to be sent back. Many people have several attempts behind them, they have made it to Europe only to be deported again.But they won't give up.There will be the one time when things will work out.
Now imagine this man had been sent back twice already, made it again but still he is not free to carry out his mission.His status does not allow him to work or walk the streets freely.I am talking about years, not months.Many will see no other option but to find a woman who will give them the freedom and opportunity he is looking for TO COMPLETE HIS MISSION.During those years and even back home, he has seen and heard many things about the white woman and it is not his intent to get married to one.He has heard many horrorstories where men are being oppressed ........
But what other choice does he have?
So he tries to find a good woman who will be sympathetic and caring, maybe it will even work.......
He tries his best to be a good husband and respect his partner, but there are so many differences in attitudes, and the woman has the power because of her status, the man is powerless.
As a wife he thinks his woman will be loyal, faithfull and work together with him.Just like he will give her these qualities.
But the reality is, that the woman, because of her status, can take control and "train her little puppy" anyhow she wants.What can he say?
He would like her to be faithful and give him the feeling that he can trust her, but she will not listen to his words that he can't accept ex-boyfreinds contacts, or that in "his world" women still have the traditional role.He is here now and has to accept our way.No thoughts of compromise by the woman.It's her way or no way.And if a woman is trying to be sympathetic and respectful, you Gambiabev, want to tell her she is being submissive? He has to take any kind of abuse, or he will be punished by her.He married a European, so he has to conform to her standards.........
Let's assume the couple have children.For a man, his children are everything, his future. Here, he often has no say, he is too strict or doesn't know how to bring up children.So his hands are tied there.
Then in the end if he just can't take the abuse anymore he has to give up his children too, and is left standing with nothing again.
He thought he had a family, a future, but is instead left bare to start all over again.
Now many men are back in their country, telling these stories to each other, so what do you think will the men do who plan to come here?
Many don't even want to bother with a white woman because the future with her is not secure, you build up a family and future, only to be dumped in the end and having to start all over again.
Now remeber that these "missions" take years.Imagine a 30 or 40 year old man lost everything and has to start his family all over again.Of course he is not going to make the same mistake again and chooses a wife that will give him a stable future.A wife of his own culture.
There are so many stories and examples, I hope I haven't offended anybody with these thoughts but the reality is so very sad I can't explain...... |
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Sibo
Denmark
231 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 14:22:44
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Twinkly
You are right on the spot on some things.
Why does the african man has to be the bad guy in the whole thing???? Some white women marry new comers just to take advantage of them. Make these young niave men work as slaves and make them pay the bills as someone mentioned earlier. These young men will deal with these situations hoping that they at least will secure their resident permits only to find out that the woman was using them and then kick them out without gettinh their resident permits. How cruel is that???
I have seen these kinda of situations over and over again here in Denmark. So after all the hardwork and the terrible treatment from the wife, he gets deported back to start all over again or if he is unfortunate that might be the end of his life. So next time before Bev and co. gets all worked up about the intention of the african man think about these cases mentioned |
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MeMe
United Kingdom
541 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 14:36:41
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All very noble, Twinkly, but the bottom line in your story is that the Gambian men are merely using European women to "complete a mission" ..... hmmmmmm ... and then you class him as a "good man"- can't see anything to honour or respect there!
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Sibo
Denmark
231 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 14:49:03
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| Why are you all concentrating on the negatives from the Gambian side, what about the stories about the eurpean woman taking advantage of the gambian man and treating him like dirt, how come there are no comments about that??????????? |
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MeMe
United Kingdom
541 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 14:56:16
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| Because I've never seen that myself so can't comment but have seen many Gambian men who haven't even tried to do anything for themselves in their own country just looking to use European visitors as a ticket to Babylon. |
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Alhassan
Sweden
813 Posts |
Posted - 28 Aug 2007 : 15:03:46
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quote:
Originally posted by Babylon
I know Kerstin Thorvall, she is the one who wrote about her sexual experinces with african men when she was 60 - 70 years something like that.
Babylon,
I would like to refer you to a film (video konst)from Stockholm called "White Woman". It was done by one of the girls who work with SELAM organisation called Lolo. She is half Swedish and the rest Etopian. In this film we tried to explain a lot about this specific topic. The actors came from Gambia, Guinea, Etopia and Sweden. It has been viewed by Danish Tv and Kultur Huset in Stockholm. Please try to get hold of the film so as to have another view on the topic. I have been wondering because I have seen the trend too. |
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