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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 11:32:24
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Wonderful woman.God bless you . Just do the right thing for your son , he deserves it. |
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fee_sweetie
United Kingdom
127 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 12:18:40
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quote: Originally posted by jambo
have you left him in UK, or gambia
he's still in the uk but i have informed the immigration of the situation |
"Religion is an insult to human dignity. Without it you'd have good people doing good things + evil people doing evil things but for good people to do evil things it takes religion"- Richard Dawkins |
Edited by - fee_sweetie on 30 May 2007 15:01:16 |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 13:06:19
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I´m always sad and angry to hear about a man who just makes a baby for whatever reason and then dont care about the child. That is just pure stupidity!
Be strong fee_sweetie, I wish you and your son the very best! |
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toubab1020
12233 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 13:22:22
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I wonder what the immigration will do? I suspect................nothing!!quote: Originally posted by fee_sweetie
quote: Originally posted by jambo
have you left him in UK, or gambia
he's still in the uk but i have informed the immagration of the situation
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"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 13:31:09
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If he hasn't got a longterm permit yet, there is a lot immigration can (and will) do. Fee, i think you came to the right decision! Good luck, girl... |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down. Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 13:39:15
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The immigration may not be able to do anything at this stage because this is not an immigration issue. However , during the cause of the divorce if the woman alleges a felony and the guy is found guilty , enters a plea agreement or no contest then that could create the grounds for deportation. Again this is U.S. law , please check the current law in U.K. And please be warned this is not a legal advice , be sure to consult an attorney for any legal problem. Thank you. |
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tapalapa
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 13:53:19
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I have experienced a similar situation-I will try and keep it brief; I got married to a Guinean man in The Gambia some 5 years ago- We arrived in the UK 6 weeks after. He became aggressive almost immediately.Left for London to be with his friends, I lived through 12 months of hell him coming and going until he finally assaulted me. I took him to court for assault-It took 10 months to reach the courts, during this time I had to give up my work (I have always worked)and I began divorce proceedings. It has taken me many years to get over this both emotionally and financially. He got legal aid- I didn`t so I got a 3,000 pounds debt.His solicitor applied for me to maintain him and for half my house !!!! He got 80 hours community service for the assault; doing woodwork- he loved it !
He is now wandering around the UK doing the same to many different women; living off them then leaving them for the next one !
The positive thing for me is that I still visit the Gambia, have many true friends there and have started my own project. My emotions about him are nil.
HE ONLY MARRIED ME TO GET HIS VISA !
YOU WILL SURVIVE THE TRAUMA- It has taken years for me to write and share this experience, Thanks for being the catalyst - I must be getting better ! TAPA
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 14:08:43
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Thank you for sharing that. It is often not spoken about. Gradually, over time I am hearing of more and more cases.
I am still very uncertain about whether to marry my Gambian boyfriend. I have recently found out something about him that makes me question his honesty. Trust is everything in a relationship.
Sadly in the UK the immigration service seem very ineffective at sending people back to their country of origin once they have gained entry to the country. In effect these marriages are false marriages and any visas issued due to the marriage should be revoked. These men should have to serve a prison sentence and on completion of that they should have to return to their own country.
Tapalapa, how did your family react to all of this? Email me privately if you prefer to talk in private. |
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tapalapa
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 15:25:58
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I wrote to The Home Office when he assaulted me and explained all that was going on.I also went to my local MP. who was very supportive. They said they could not do anything. They had his application for indefinite leave to remain in the UK in their offices, under consideration (I had signed for this hoping it would make everything better)! Looking back I think I was brainwashed. The Home Office said they couldnt take the assault into account;I think domestic violence is still not taken seriously in the UK- I couln`t revoke what I had signed; he got his visa to remain.
It is still worth a try though if you wish him to return to his Country.
Tapa |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 16:43:17
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quote: Originally posted by gambiabev
These men should have to serve a prison sentence and on completion of that they should have to return to their own country.
A prison sentence, for what reason? |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 18:15:53
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quote: Originally posted by kayjatta
The immigration may not be able to do anything at this stage because this is not an immigration issue. However , during the cause of the divorce if the woman alleges a felony and the guy is found guilty , enters a plea agreement or no contest then that could create the grounds for deportation. Again this is U.S. law , please check the current law in U.K. And please be warned this is not a legal advice , be sure to consult an attorney for any legal problem. Thank you.
You are right kayjatta.
This not an immigration problem. I think everyone is being too emotional here and want to send him back. The man can file for battery and get resident status as a battered spouse.
Infact a divorce is the quickest way for the man to get his resident status. if the man commits a felony yes there may be grounds for deporation but be prepared for a long legal quagmire.
Rememeber you both agreed to support each other for good or bad, rich or poor, in good health or in sickness till do you you part. I hope we all go back to the marriage vows and see if we sincerely mean what we say.
There is a difference between love and infatuation.
One underlying thing i see being said is as if marrying someone from the developing world is like giving them a favour. Unless we begin to see each other as equal partners in the marriage contract, then we will head for the divorce court no sooner than it is consumated.
Any i dont intend to judge you. You know your problems better. The reason why i said this was that some English lady "married" a Gambian boy called Lamin from Baddibu and she made him appear on British TV from his village to the UK and even when shopping for his clothes. The boy looked like a maroon and i was shocked when he said to the store manager that he would batter his old clothes for the new. The manager responded that this was not africa and that they do not do batter in the UK.
The marriage did not last. It was lke a reality show and the boy had no idea that money changed hands. A TV station will not cover such without some financial gains. This was in 1994 or 1995 and i think on Channel 4 if my memory serves me right.
The programme was highly publicised in print media in the days leading to the airing of the show and as ususal the age gap between the lady and the boy is astronomical.
Good luck |
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tapalapa
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 18:40:53
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KONDORONG
Whats wrong with being emotional ???
I am interested in what you say about partners being equal from both Countries. This is a difficult one because we do not start off on a level playing field. Financially, it is always the partner in the developing world who has the most money- This gives automatic power to the European and is difficult to address. It leads to resentment from the African partner ;their life is dictated by the Europoeans money and doesnt initially give autonomy or self reliance.
With regards to you saying it sounds like I was doing my husband a favour- Yes I do think I did him a big favour at my expense, because he only wanted his visa anyway ! "For better or worse didnt come into it" ! Yes I feel angry that he lied his way to the UK.
I think everyone should have the freedom to move around the world as we in Europe enjoy- then marriage wouldnt come into the equasion as often as it does. Tapa
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 18:57:24
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quote: Originally posted by tapalapa
KONDORONG
Whats wrong with being emotional ???
I am interested in what you say about partners being equal from both Countries. This is a difficult one because we do not start off on a level playing field. Financially, it is always the partner in the developing world who has the most money- This gives automatic power to the European and is difficult to address. It leads to resentment from the African partner ;their life is dictated by the Europoeans money and doesnt initially give autonomy or self reliance.
With regards to you saying it sounds like I was doing my husband a favour- Yes I do think I did him a big favour at my expense, because he only wanted his visa anyway ! "For better or worse didnt come into it" ! Yes I feel angry that he lied his way to the UK.
I think everyone should have the freedom to move around the world as we in Europe enjoy- then marriage wouldnt come into the equasion as often as it does. Tapa
No wonder you were divorced because from the onset you felt superior and believed that you were giving him a favour. The marriage had already broken even before consumated.
It will be same everytime. People from developing world are capable of loving and treating people with descency and MUST be seen as partners not beggars waiting to be "fed".
You marry based on the vows and in that vow, there is no superiority or granting of favours. Just because one has more money is no reason to bully the other partner.
But you see the statistics in Europe do not favour the institution of marriage in the first place. Fewer people are getting married and if they do, have one child.
If it were a musical concert then it will be right to say he who pays the piper calls the tunes. But this a social contract called marriage- a union between two people who love each other and vow to reamin with each other in riches, poverty, ill or good health till death do them part. |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 19:12:08
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In Holland, when the foreigner comes into the country on invitation by partner (doesn't matter if you're married or not), a residence permit is issued which will expire after one year. Three months before the expiry date, you have to apply for an extension of the permit. If, by that time, the relation between the invited person and the partner doesn't exist anymore - the extended permit will not be granted and the foreigner will have to leave the country on the expiry date at the latest. Of course, this doesn't always happen and the foreigner will probably try to hide with friends and become an 'illegal'. Without the permit it would be impossible to work or go to school, though. Some try (and some succeed) to live on income from so-called black jobs. But since everyone is always obliged to be able to show ID's at any given time, they will never feel at ease... Sorry, i thought the rules and regulations would be more or less the same in all European countries. That's why i thought that if Fee would inform the immigration officers that the marriage was over as far as she is concerned, her 'husband' wouldn't have a chance of staying in the UK (which in this case is maybe not even his main objective, anyway). |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down. Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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mansasulu
997 Posts |
Posted - 30 May 2007 : 19:15:27
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This is what happens often when you go to Africa thinking that you can get young able bodied men for cheap! If you really love a man you met in Africa, be prepared to stay with him there. It is about time people become serious with the institution of marriage. |
"...Verily, in the remembrance of Allâh do hearts find rest..." Sura Al-Rad (Chapter 13, Verse 28)
...Gambian by birth, Muslim by the grace of Allah... |
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