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molly75
United Kingdom
86 Posts |
 Posted - 08 May 2007 : 12:14:12
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Anna your posting made me laugh! It just shows that you can overcome the negative thoughts of othr people including parents. As for the age difference, i think that sometimes the negative views other people have are based mainly on jealousy. As you say it could come in useful in later years!! |
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inez
279 Posts |
Posted - 08 May 2007 : 12:32:35
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quote:
Originally posted by molly75
Inez i would love to live in the Gambia for a longer period, but it would mean giving up my job in the UK and how would i live in the Gambia, as i think it is very difficult to get a job?
As for our relationship working in the UK, then i think it probably could, but as you said it may be made difficult by the opinions of others. Im also worried that living in the UK would change him. I've met gambians who now live in the UK and who forget about their religion, start to drink alcohol and get greedy!
You are right, moving to Europe changes most of people...the social control is not there, realizing that the life is very hard and still all about money and stress, people get dissapointed and depressed, the weather...expectations from the family left behind...getting low myself when thinking about it
But I have a solution!!! We are so many here in similar situation, why canīt we take a year break from holidays in the Gambia, work extra, save all the money we can and then start a business together. We could buy one or two fishing boats and rent a linehouse, stay there every winter and come back to Europe and work with healthcare every summer. Our houses and apartments we can rent out when in Gambia. Isnīt that a great idea? Who is in? |
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mldoe
United Kingdom
4 Posts |
Posted - 08 May 2007 : 13:39:12
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Oh Molly75, very interesting stories and advices from all those who replied your story. I think is really true about all what they said. I had a good friend of mine who is with his cuurent english wife for 2 to 3 years b4 they finally got married in November 2004 and he got over here early last year. My friend's wife who's first son is almost the same age with him just over the thirdties encountered many problems from her family about their marry b4 they do married. But she went on and did it, she invited my friend who came over here & now living with her. All her family accepted my friend infact in less than six months of their stay together, because he is really a very nice, caring and genueing person to live with.
But onething I would like u take note of; most of u people go out there got good genueing yonug men to really keep u a good acompany there & even here in The UK when u bring them over. But after doing all those effort sponsoring everything & even helping their families back home b4 they come & join u over seas, everything changed the moment that person u have been helping & brought here starts working & want to send money back home to continue helping & supporting his families. We all know how is it like to be doing all that work & at the end some one have to decised what u do with your own money even if u are contributing everything towards all your bills in the house. In most cases I'm aware of, some english/europens women just never let or want their Gambian/African partners to send out money back home at all. So these are some of the main causes of their seperation & devoice. U all know how poor the Gambia is, by the time u visit there once or twice. Also u must be aware of how helpful & friendly Gambians are to one another especial those who are families. So who ever want to stop that tradition, u will really have some troubles.
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 08 May 2007 : 14:19:13
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quote:
Originally posted by inez
I have noticed that if you are together or married with african man, everybody (even total strangers) believe they have a right to ask you very private questions about your man and your life together with him. I have learned to ask them to tell me first those things in their own marriages or about there own men...believe me, it works But the fact is, you have to be strong abd ready to meet racism from both sides.
I cannot but agree, Inez, I also met those people. First I was too shocked to even react - how could they DARE to ask questions about my private life. Now, I like to butcher them verbally - of course without any explicit insult. How I hate this crap! |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 08 May 2007 : 19:00:51
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inez , don't worry i will always say my bit on ladies topics. it is what men should do .we are all from earth  .i have two sisters so i know how to deal with topics like this. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 08 May 2007 : 19:57:51
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Aren't we your sisters in a way, too?
Toubab1020, we may come from different planets - but in order to keep this earth going, we have to pair up. Let's focus on what we have in common. We might discover that we speak the same language, after all.
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When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 09 May 2007 : 10:49:39
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quote:
Originally posted by anna
Aren't we your sisters in a way, too?
Toubab1020, we may come from different planets - but in order to keep this earth going, we have to pair up. Let's focus on what we have in common. We might discover that we speak the same language, after all.
anna , ofcourse you ladies here are my cyber sisters. some times i tell my wife how moving some of your accounts are. especially when bev gets on her emotional gear .men like to think they can avoid ladies issue but guess what most modern men are more lady like than some ladies .toubab ,we are similar in many ways . |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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molly75
United Kingdom
86 Posts |
Posted - 09 May 2007 : 17:51:22
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| Mldoe i was very interested to read what you put in your posting about sending money to family back in the gambia. This would be one of my concerns and i can see why this could cause problems in a relationship. I would not have a problem with sending money to family in the Gambia if my man was working and earning his own money. But as he has told me before, families think that europeans have lots of money. So if he was to send money to them, maybe they would expect more and more?? As you probably know if you live in the uk money does not just appear, we need to work hard for it. |
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molly75
United Kingdom
86 Posts |
Posted - 09 May 2007 : 17:55:25
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| Inez very good idea, i would be the first to come to Gambia and set up business with u. Start writing a business plan and we could be out there by November!!!! |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 09 May 2007 : 18:29:44
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Many have tried and not many have succeeded!
But it is nice to phantasize!
What are you girls thinking of setting up? A hotel? I could do the PR or Sales/Advertising (my teaching subjects). A school? I have been teaching 16-22 year-olds for something like 28 years now,no problem (although, come to think of it - you would at least have to able to speak Wolof). A hospital? No thanks, not my cup of tea! |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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toubab1020
12309 Posts |
Posted - 09 May 2007 : 21:06:04
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quote:
Originally posted by anna
Aren't we your sisters in a way, too?
Toubab1020, we may come from different planets - but in order to keep this earth going, we have to pair up. Let's focus on what we have in common. We might discover that we speak the same language, after all.
Can't argue with that but men are usually  !! |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 09 May 2007 : 21:10:24
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Are usually WHAT?
Come on, Toubab - sometimes you are very womanly mysterious! Don't let us guess, man! |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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kiwi
Sweden
662 Posts |
Posted - 09 May 2007 : 23:39:48
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Itīs amazing what you obviously have to put up with when marrying a Gambian man, worried and narrow-minded parents and impertinent questions from friends!
My mother didnīt live any more when I married my Gambian (ex)man. Living in a small village she in many ways had a lot of prejudices, but racist, I donīt think so. I am quite sure she had thought that a man who has travelled so long way and are so far away from his family, one must treat nicely. My brother and sister-in-law made friends at first sight, they had been in the Gambia a few years earlier. My daughter has been very friendly to him. A close friend of mine though started making sarcastic comments about Africans in generally, so I stopped seeing her. Marrying a Gambian means that you lose one or two friends. This happened also to my daughter when she married a Tunisian man.
I am very surprised though that nobody discusses this important issue: to have or not to have children! No matter how convincing your Gambian husband is when saying it doesnīt matter not to have children, it will! Sooner or later he wants a baby. What are you going to do if you donīt want a baby? If you are too old to give birth? Are you prepared to say: I let you go?
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 10 May 2007 : 08:00:27
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I have discussed this previously. My man has one child and says that is enough? (It is a boy). But I do worry about it, because at 46 whatever medical miracles there may be I think I am too old for a child. The next stage for me is Grandchildren!
Others have warned me that he may 'love' me in some way,but marrying a westerner can be part of a very long game plan. So they may even put in 10 years, to gain travel, money, education. Then divorce and go home and marry someone from the same village and have their babies with them.
To a Western mind this seems very calculating and cruel, but from an African perspective it is a sound plan.
How do you decide who is genuine and who is not? |
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Lily
United Kingdom
422 Posts |
Posted - 10 May 2007 : 09:01:10
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Sometimes I think you just have to live for the moment - no one knows what will happen in the future and a 10 year marriage would be 5 years longer than I managed!!
By the way - I'm up for a joint venture Inez |
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