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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
 Posted - 15 Dec 2005 : 01:14:54
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In order to assure the highest levels of quality work
and productivity from students, it will be our policy
to keep all students well taught through our program of
SPECIAL HIGH INTESITY TEACHINGS (S.H.I.T.).
We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than
any other school. If you feel that you do not recieve
your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your
lecturer. You will emidiatly placed on top of the S.H.I.T.
list and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing
you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Students who donīt know S.H.I.T. will be placed in
DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMMES (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.)
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T. seriously will
have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T S.H.I.T.).
Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated,
they donīt have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are full of
S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be
interested in teaching others. We can add your name to our
BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L S.H.I.T.)
For students who are attending to pursue a carrier in
management and consultancy, we will refer you to the
department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION
(M.O.R.E S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes on how to manage
M.O.R.E S.H.I.T.
If you have further questions, please direct them to our
HEAD OF TEACHING SPECIAL HIGH INTESITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.)
Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTESITY TRAINING
(B.I.G S.H.I.T.)
source:comedycentral.com
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 16 Dec 2005 : 01:25:32
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And hereīs another one...
Ī30 rules for being a manĪ
1.Donīt call. EVER.
2.If you like a girl, donīt tell her. Itīs more fun to let her figure it out herself.
3.Lie
4.Always remember: Youīre a MAN. Therefore, no matter what, it isnīt your fault.
5.Deny everything. Everything.
6.No means yes.
7.Yes means no.
8.Feelings? What feelings?
9.Life is one big competition. If someone is better than u at something, either pretend itīs not true or kick their ass.
10.Lie
11.Diss your girlfriend. Beg and plead until you get her back. Diss
her again. Repeat cycle.
12.If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Donīt.
13.Try to have a good memory, but itīs OK if u forget trivial things.
You know, like your girlfriendīs b-day or eye color.
14.Ignorance solves problems. If you canīt see them, they canīt see you.
15.You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without virginity.
16.You are male, therefore you are superior.
17.Lie I tell you!!
18.Itīs never your duty to take responsability for your actions.
19.If youīre going out with someone but love someone else, donīt say
anything. Wait until the girl youīre going out with falls in love with you, THEN tell her.
20.If the question begins with "Why" the answer is "I donīt know".
21.If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically youīve done nothing wrong.
22.Women are your napkins. Use them, and throw them away.
23.LIE
24.Beer. Then more beer.
25.One word: FOOTBALL!
26.Three words: Letīs be friends. Translation: I never want to speak
to you again.
27.Crying is not manly. Then again, if youīre a man, what do you
have to cry about anyway?
28.If anyone asks you for a favor:
a)make a big deal about how hard it is for you to do it.
b)remind them of this huge favor youīve done for them at least every 5 minutes for the rest of their life.
29.Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get to please you.
30.Lie
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 19 Dec 2005 : 23:54:01
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A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son
Dear Son,
Iīm writing this slow because I know you canīt read fast.
We donīt live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within twenty miles from home, so we moved. Wonīt be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldnīt have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and havenīt seen em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I havenīt found out whether if itīs a boy or a girl so donīt know if youīre an Aunt or an Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 drowned. They couldnīt get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you donīt get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma |
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