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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
 Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 08:15:38
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The family of my guide in Pirang have invited my to stay in the village over night next time I visit. I have made several full day visits to them and they want me to experience an overnight stay.
I am concerned about any etiquette about doing this and making sure I dont offend anyone by doing anything inappropriate.
There is a young girl in the village that I have previously posted about. I am considering bringing her to UK for education when she is older. She is considered my 'adopted' daughter. I am her second mother.
The family have said I can sleep in the same bed as her when I visit. Obviously in the UK as a teacher that would NOT be appropriate. It leaves you open to false accusations. In Gambia as an 'auntie' or 'second mother' figure would it be considered OK? It would be good for her to be close to me and to trust me. BUT I cant help feeling it is over trusting of the family. How many Gambian children are put at risk in this way and get mistreated? Is this something that is talked about in the Gambian community?
Anyway any advice would be appreciated. I would love to stay in the village, what a brilliant experience and how kind of my guides family to offer me that opportunity.
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Sibo
Denmark
231 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 11:32:45
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| I donīt know about now, but ten years or more back when I was still living in gambia, this was not an issue. I used to sleep in the same bed with my auntie, nothing happened. But I will be carefull if I were you. You never know what people can come up with. If you feel uncomfortable about it, just explain your concern to the family, they will understand. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 12:20:45
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bev if in doubt do not do it, take a sleeping bag and ground mattress if possible, or follow sibo advise let the family know how you feel. chances are as you are a guest they will move the child and let you have the bed. it is only for one night it will not cause a major disruption.
they will take your feelings into account. ENJOY THE VISIT is she in school, how old is she. |
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violet
United Kingdom
1 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 20:41:33
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| gambian people a way too trusting in your case is different cos you have got th interest of the girl at heart.But this is one situation i always discus with my friends telling them that they might be a lot off abusing happen but both women and children are terrified to talk about such things happening to them.You just have to be careful and if you r not comfortable keep on taking the day trips every time you visit this girl,do wat u r most comfortably donig |
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electric
United Kingdom
28 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 13:08:01
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How do you know for sure that Gambiabev's got the girl's interest at heart Violet, you must know that todays world is very different to the one we lived in 10 - 15 years ago. You don't know a man/woman just by cyber-communication...at the end of the day that is exactly how paedophiles operate anyway  .
Some of these people pretend to be nice whereas genuinely they aren't so nice. I am not implying that Gambiabev isn't genuine but most peoples' naivety including the parents gets the better of them. Gambians are too trusting...attitudes have to change. |
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tapalapa
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 15:45:49
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GambiaBev- take your own sleeping bag- I have one at my flat in Gambia you can borrow- e mail me and I will arrange for you to collect it.
Other than that- A double comfy mattress costs 20 pounds.
Even if you are not being set up,you will always get people questioning your motives if you accept an offer of sleeping with a minor. Someone somewhere will make something of it.
Maybe they should be alert for the right reasons.
You will have a totally different experience staying in a village- I think it is much better as I do not get harrassed as much as when I am in a tourist area. I feel much more free.
Tapa
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 19:02:10
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I will stay with the family of my guide and ask that the girl only visits me in the day when other people are around.
That way it is not possible to be falsely accused.
I have the girls best interests at heart. In her mothers eyes I am her second mother, her hope of education in Uk one day. |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 20:23:38
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| Can you explain to us why you would want to single out one special girl to be educated in Europe - i'm curious, why this girl - why this making yourself 'a second mother', putting all the hope of this family on the girl? |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 21:21:09
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| She came to me. It was a feeling thing. Everywhere I went she followed me, curious and bright. I attended her circumsision ceremony and led her into the circle. From then I felt like an auntie, accepted by the family. I dont like FGM, but for them it was a very happy day. From then on I was concerned for her and felt a bond. |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 22:36:20
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You led her into........??????
There are other ways to 'become accepted by the family', if that is the kind of feeling you're after! Sorry Bev, but my heart is beating in my throat with pure indignation. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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sab
United Kingdom
912 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 22:39:39
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Gambiabev, I remember you posting 'women need to be empowered to stand firm and say they wont let it (FGM) happen to their daughters' - whatever happend to your beliefs to lead this four year old for her circumcision?
Surely you do this when you are proud to do so!
http://www.gambia.dk/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3273
Gambiabev
[quote]Where are the human rights when a young girl is forced to go through this with no idea of what is involved or the long term consequenses of it? I am interested to know whether intelligent, educated Muslim African women still have this performed on their daughters or if they have the confidence to stand up and say no.
I know it off topic but it was mentioned within......GBev, you really should stop blowing in the wind.. |
The world would be a poorer place if it was peopled by children whose parents risked nothing in the cause of social justice, for fear of personal loss. (Joe Slovo - African revolutionary) |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 22:46:29
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I am definately against it. I was invited to the village and then put on the spot. I led her into the circle for the dancing. I didnt witness the circumcision. It would have happened whether I was there or not.
I discussed my feelings with my guide. He said the family would be offended if I didnt join the women. If I prevented the little girl taking part then she would be ostracised and unable to marry.
It was a celebrating day in the village, but I felt truely dreadful.
Should I have stopped the ceremony and taken her away to england there and then? I am still not sure what the right thing to do is. Often on this web site people say things are African traditions and we shoudlnt interfere and then when I dont interfere I am critised for that too?!
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 22:56:05
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| I suppose you know yourself that your argumentation is of the weakest kind. Sorry, off to bed - can't stand any more of this. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2007 : 22:58:54
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| So please tell me what would you have done? |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jun 2007 : 10:08:20
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| get the hell out of there, of course! When your guide told you what the 'party' was all about, you could have told him to take you back on the spot. Sorry for spoiling their 'happy day', but there are things you just don't want to be part of. What is wrong with letting them know that this is one African tradition that you are very much against. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jun 2007 : 11:01:11
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Bev, Bev, bev what did you witness, their happy day, no an unhappy day,
of course the ceremony would have gone ahead without you, but to lead her into the circle, i do not think so. SORRY BEV, i am not happy with this. you should have stayed outside, stand up for your principles, i would have. yes you were put on the spot, but your guide should have know what was going on, stop the ceremony no you could not and the fallout for the family would have been hard. BUT YOU COULD HAVE STAYED OUTSIDE.
I am beginning to feel like you are being played. . i am not happy with this, something feels off, . Please consider careful what actions you make with the family, if she is considered your "adopt daughter" what are you responsible for. your visit is to stay overnight and you do not want to give offence about the sleeping arrangement, you did not want to give offence about the ceremony. BEV STOP AND THINK, who will take the offence, no-one because they know you well enough to know you don't give offence.
i have so many questions on this, my head is hurting.
JUST STOP AND THINK |
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