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Dr Thomas

Gambia
95 Posts |
Posted - 13 Feb 2007 : 12:45:56
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This might help our understanding of each other. We sometimes use the word “conflict “simply to mean that people have different or even opposing ideas, and say (rightly) that there is nothing wrong with this. Conflict is easier to manage if we recognise that it really means a fight with words, people getting heated, with increasingly angry arguments on both sides. Both sides work themselves into more and more extreme positions and winning becomes more important than a quality outcome. Conflict may arise when people feel they are losing or likely to lose something they value. As well as material possessions people place great value on their ideas, standards, aspirations, reputation, status, and self esteem. Any threat to these whether real or imagined, can be a source of conflict between individuals or between groups.
The experience of children squabbling over the same toy, groups fighting for their rights, nations at war for their ideals, creates the expectation of conflict as a natural feature of society. There is the assumption that contrast, which is inevitable, invariably means conflict. So when two people express different aims, a regular response in a group are “which one shall we choose?” This implies at once that one person’s ideas will win, so the other one loses. This assumption of win/lose is often the basis of conflict.
Emotion is an important aspect of conflict. Arguments, which originate over different (contrasting) points of view escalate rapidly: both sides take up more extreme positions as feelings become more intense. Interest is concentrated on defeating the “opponent” irrespective of what may be gained or even lost by doing so. Dealing with your own emotions is a start to reduce a conflict situation.
· Speak about your own feelings and emotions clearly and calmly · Lower your voice and speak slowly · Getting angry may be a sign that someone is uncertain – reassuring them may be better than fighting back · Allow everyone some space – have a short break
It is useful to look beyond the resolution of conflict, to the maintenance of effective co-operation. This implies continual effort to maintain a desirable state, and not merely putting right trouble when it occurs-an approach comparable with keeping a healthy environment, not just curing disease.
Skill and understanding, developed through sustained efforts to foster co-operation, not only lessen the chances of conflict: they also provide practices for dealing with any conflict that does arise. Thoughtfulness and respect for others are the prerequisites, as manifested by:
· Carefully listening to others, let people finish what they are saying, and check you really have understood what the person is telling you · Look for ways of using ideas not dismissing them out of hand. Look for ways of helping their ideas work. Identifying what is good in what they say, rather than what is wrong with it · Acknowledging other people’s aims, knowing that person’s aims are important to him or her. Probing for aims, which can be accepted and pursued together, rather than dwelling on those that, cannot. · Recognising that people are different, which does not mean they are inferior or wrong. Enabling them to use their skills and strengths at an appropriate time. · Knowing one’s own strengths and being aware of the effect these might have. Contrasting skills may create competition, for example, “planner” vying with “planner.” · Questioning one’s own assumptions, which though deep seated, may not be correct. Knowing the emotional effect of having cherished beliefs brought into doubt, and recognising that the assumption is to blame rather than the individual who brought it to light. · Communicating clearly, concisely; distinguishing between fact and opinion; knowing that not only the content is important, but also how it is said and when it is said · Speak clearly and calmly, and resist the temptation to provoke the other person · Try not to feel irritated by what are simply different characteristics and strengths
Beyond the issues of knowledge and skill, like those of choice and intention. Conflict cannot be resolved if there is a deliberate effort to maintain it. Co-operation will only prevail by mutual effort and intention to achieve it.
One of the best ways of avoiding conflict is to use Supportive Development. Supportive development describes the process of building on one another’s ideas so as to get things done and achieve worthwhile results. When this process operates, progress is fast and the atmosphere is rewarding. Ideas are nurtured rather than criticised. Credit for results is shared.
The absence of supportive development becomes apparent in lengthy circular discussion, competing ideas and destructive comments, all of which waste time and produce a sense of frustration and ill feeling. The causes often include:
· A reluctance to proceed without examining all alternatives. · Injecting ideas whether they are needed or not · Thinking out loud: Tentative phrasing, posing questions or dilemmas. · Seeking the imperfection rather than the potential of ideas · Careless use of “not necessary”…. isn’t there a danger that ….Yes but…. what if … However ...all of which easily leads to ideas being squashed
A supportive and progressive atmosphere in a group is marked by contributions like:
· “Yes and….” · “As well as that we can….” · “One way around that would be….” · “Good idea- lets try it”
Or simply actioning a proposal.
Supportive development can only come about through:
· A common understanding of the aims being pursued · Positive actionable proposals worthy of support · Concern for the meaning of what people say · Respect for others and the ideas they offer · Weighing the risk of moving on against the risk of delay
Support demands active listening and careful thought. It is not simply agreeing or merely conforming for the sake of harmony. It is carrying ideas forward with energy and conviction, towards purposeful action. One last and final thought inanimate objects do not cause Conflict. People cause conflict. Try and make sure it’s not you, manage by example.
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mbay
Germany
1007 Posts |
Posted - 13 Feb 2007 : 13:03:28
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The problem is that there is so many deferent of linguas, some time with different of means though it has the same views, some time comes conflicts because its our natures that we are turning words/letters upside down but means not offending some one/thing its just a linguas case. most of us are clairaudient So please lets us be Patience with each other. |
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