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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
 Posted - 14 Dec 2006 : 08:14:20
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I have a sad story about an african couple in england.this couple are both african and they have recently fall out badly. the woman became a british citizen before the husband .according to the husband as soon the wife receive her passport ,she became mrs differenct. last week ,the woman allege that the man assulted her. this is a delicate matter but the man denied ever hitting her. the man was arrested and fine £550 and ask to do 200 hours community service.
this man is friend of mine ,he is a business man.he own a recording studio for some kinds of african music mostly nigerian,ghanian and south african music.
he is very descipline and kind ,so when the wife allege assult i came shock.but in marriage life every thing is expected this days. he too allege that the wife wants to leave him for a younger man. he said she now have the british passport ,so licence to look for younger man. the allegation were later found by police to be false but the court maintain the fine and community service order. this man is now having panick attacks and going into deppression. what can i do to help him ?this is a hard working guy whose reputation is going in flames.
this is the seventh case i heard this year of african women in england puting there husbands behind bars. five other cases are gambian families. one in stokeontrent was about the woman not welling to return back after her husband finished studying. she also allege assult.the day of the husband graduation was the day he starts a 12 months sentence in prison.
can we please all constantly access our relationships to avoid such lost love .
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Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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mbay
Germany
1007 Posts |
Posted - 14 Dec 2006 : 10:18:01
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Another one again? This happens almost daly to some of our brothers
including my own in the US & one of my friend in Denmark.
Some time some of us want to get marriage just to get in to Europe/West
or having their citizen after then one would relies what will come
up. I’ve to said i am a lucky one i am Germany citizin for 13yrs now
and my wife nearly 7yrs but that didn’t make us blind to know why
we gets marriage to one another or where we are coming from.
But some time there are some thing in backgrounds.
Becoming a western citizen for most is like having passport to kill
what so ever the reasons. I’m not blaming all but it’s like that as you
Experience by yourself because they knew there is no way back
and easy to point a finger and the authority mostly believes them easily.
Santa. Your friend needs you now than before as i knew through my two
Persons i points before but life most go on. This is a real hard time for
both of you but you most stand firm together.
Good lucky.
quote:
Originally posted by SANTANFARA
I have a sad story about an african couple in england.this couple are both african and they have recently fall out badly. the woman became a british citizen before the husband .according to the husband as soon the wife receive her passport ,she became mrs differenct. last week ,the woman allege that the man assulted her. this is a delicate matter but the man denied ever hitting her. the man was arrested and fine £550 and ask to do 200 hours community service.
this man is friend of mine ,he is a business man.he own a recording studio for some kinds of african music mostly nigerian,ghanian and south african music.
he is very descipline and kind ,so when the wife allege assult i came shock.but in marriage life every thing is expected this days. he too allege that the wife wants to leave him for a younger man. he said she now have the british passport ,so licence to look for younger man. the allegation were later found by police to be false but the court maintain the fine and community service order. this man is now having panick attacks and going into deppression. what can i do to help him ?this is a hard working guy whose reputation is going in flames.
this is the seventh case i heard this year of african women in england puting there husbands behind bars. five other cases are gambian families. one in stokeontrent was about the woman not welling to return back after her husband finished studying. she also allege assult.the day of the husband graduation was the day he starts a 12 months sentence in prison.
can we please all constantly access our relationships to avoid such lost love .
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Edited by - mbay on 14 Dec 2006 10:20:14 |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 14 Dec 2006 : 11:52:18
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With marriage being the shortest route to obtaining a stay unfortunately deception raises its head in what should be a honest committed relationsship. This is especially unfortunate when one party has been duped and used for someone to get citizenship. Allegations should be taken seriuosly however if the woman has made false allegations against her husband to get a quick divorce and secure her stay this is a terrible situation for her husband to be served such an injustice. It is vindictive to false you accuse an innocent person of crimes they haven't committed because it cast a shadow of suspicion over, which ruins their reputation. I'm a firm believer in Karma what goes around comes around as sure as night follows day. Time will be the real judge. know doubt your friend is depressed but as natural cycles are prepetual his true charcater will eventually come to light and so will his wife's. So my advice to him is to pick himself up and start again. I know it is easier said than done but with faith determination and hardwork he can rebuild his life once again. Who knows further done the line this situation my be a turning point for a better life.
There are no guarantees in life and neither in marriage. When marriage involves immigration issues they can be mirky the same also applies to marriage between two people of the nationality. I think it's important that both people have core values in common and are compatible before getting married. Many people who enter into marriage for ulterior motives may seem to have the upper hand in the short-term but it does stay that way for long. Play alot of Gorlia Gaynor I will survive and before you know it you will have. Or Change Gonna Come by Sam cooke
Peace
Sister Omega
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Peace
Sister Omega |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 14 Dec 2006 : 18:22:08
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| thanks sister omega and mbye. i met him today to console him ,he has now move out of there shared house and staying with a friend. he is shell shock.he said this came by suprise.he is a bit older than the lady for about 8 years.the lady is phoning all there friends and spreading the news of their sepration. but as sister said what goes arround comes arround. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 14 Dec 2006 : 18:51:18
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Sister we have more in common than I thought!
Gloria Gaynor I will survive is one of my favourite songs!!!
Plus I believe in Karma! |
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 14 Dec 2006 : 18:58:40
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I agree, Sister Omega.
There should be other ways to get to Europe (or wherever someone wants to go) than by marriage only. The European immigration laws are a cordial invitation for all kinds of abuse.
Mbay and Santanfara: I know three African women (one Ghanaian, one Gambian, one Congolese) who had been REALLY mistreated by their African husbands; I saw their bruises and black eyes. These men knew that as long as their wives had no secure immigration status they could do whatever they liked with them. |
Edited by - serenata on 14 Dec 2006 18:59:28 |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 15 Dec 2006 : 18:21:55
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No woman or man should have to put up with Domestic violence. Again unfair immigration laws are driving vulnerable people underground living in fear of their husbands and in fear of immigration. No wonder when their wives get to stay these same men will no doubt get what's coming to them. It's ubfortunate that their wives have to suffer in the meantime. Are there any support groups in Germany for African women Serenata? How is the issue of domeatic violence treated in Germany is it taboo or is there zero tolerance to it? Here in Britain their has been zero tolerance campaigns but like the case Santafara highlighted it is open to abuse.
Peace
Sister Omega
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Peace
Sister Omega |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 15 Dec 2006 : 19:38:12
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I think often immigrant women, especially if they are illegal are frightened of coming forward to make a complaint against someone. This means the man that brings them here can do what he likes! 
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 15 Dec 2006 : 19:54:31
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SisterO, of course there are laws against domestic violence, there are houses for mistreated women (as I heard recently, Turkish women are in the majority there ), there are information centres and emergency services. Violent husbands go to prison or at least have to leave the house. There have been big public campaigns against domestic violence.
But as it was already said, not all women dare to ask for help, even if social workers are subject to pledge of secrecy. |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 15 Dec 2006 : 20:15:45
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Its a difficult situation to weigh up deportation and a life of abuse. I suppose until women are killed then the Authorities will start taking notice. But the question is how many African women will have to die before the authorities become aware of this problem. EU Nationals are protected under the law but Non EU Nationals aren't isn't this a Human Rights violation?
In London Domestic Violence adds are posted in Doctor's surgeries, hospitals. I think they should be posted on Billboards with foreign languages etc. This way underclasses will receive the Public information which might help to save lives.
Peace
Sister Omega |
Peace
Sister Omega |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 15 Dec 2006 : 21:07:26
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I think a very good Doctorate thesis is examining how immigrant families evolve in the west in relation to marriage. Most immigrant married families end up in divorce once in the west. Its all over. May be Serenata should undertake a study.
Another new issue in immigrant families is that they tend to marry from home rather than marry children of immigrant families even if they are from the same country. Why are fisrt generation immigrants in the west ignoring each other. This is another area of interest for sociologist.
Its safe to say that immigration does not necessarily bring happiness to these families. Its a sad fact. |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 15 Dec 2006 : 21:56:14
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As a sociology student many moons ago I would suggest that the reason the marriages fail is because suddenly the womens eyes are opened to how western women live. The see greater freedom and at the same time probably start to work outside the home and have a degree of economice independence.
Also parents are very concerned that their children born in the new country are loosing their cultural heritage and therefore marrying 'back home' is seen as a short cut to making sure the culture continues.
We see this alot with Pakistani girls. They are born and raised in uk, full of western ideas. Then the parents get frightened they might want to marry a free choice, so they are sent back to pakistan and married off. There is an increasing amount of honour murders, where fathers or brothers murder a duaghter or sister who wont conform. That is crazy thinking as far as I am concerned.  |
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mbay
Germany
1007 Posts |
Posted - 15 Dec 2006 : 23:06:37
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There is nothing better than peace full solution but some time man think it is very far while it is just very under of your nails.
this candy life should not make one forget the honey one.
as i said i experienced it through a persons which are very close to me and i knew what both side be going through. |
Edited by - mbay on 15 Dec 2006 23:14:46 |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 16 Dec 2006 : 11:51:45
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Kons maybe this is down to the shortage of eligble single people in the immigrant community. Bearing in mind that a lot of Immigrants will marry into the host community, as well as other ethnic groups. So the immigrant population is important for the survival of these Ethnic Groups otherwise they will be assimilated and in few generation wiil have disappeared.
Peace
Sister Omega |
Peace
Sister Omega |
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 18 Dec 2006 : 17:01:56
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Kondorong, why do you think I could do such a study? I am too simple-minded.
I know that in Germany many young Turkish men take their brides from Turkey and young (sometimes very young!) Turkish immigrant women are sent to Turkey for marriage. I can only speculate about the reasons, but you can imagine that I have a certain suspect. |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 18 Dec 2006 : 17:48:43
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quote:
Originally posted by serenata
Kondorong, why do you think I could do such a study? I am too simple-minded.
I know that in Germany many young Turkish men take their brides from Turkey and young (sometimes very young!) Turkish immigrant women are sent to Turkey for marriage. I can only speculate about the reasons, but you can imagine that I have a certain suspect.
I sure do.
However, i have noticed your interest in social issues and such you are better candidate for such a project.
Go ahead. You can do it. |
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