| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
toubab1020
12311 Posts |
 Posted - 09 Sep 2011 : 13:05:19
|
The Observer is living in cloud cookcoo land ! Where can you get such a paragon of goodness ?  I am sure the author was cringing when told what she should write ,
http://observer.gm/africa/gambia/article/how-to-be-a-good-wife
How to be a good wife
Africa » Gambia
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Qualities of a Good Wife :Every married man wishes to have a good wife. Many people advise the new bride to be a good wife to her husband. But what are the makings of a good or perfect wife? Many women do not know. Many of the qualities of a good wife are already inbuilt in a person and the rest can be developed. Here are some of the qualities a man looks in his wife.
1) Be pleasant: It is said that ‘we need to treat others the way we want ourselves to be treated.’ Never be rude to our husband, family and friends. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who make everyone around you feel bad just because you’ve had a hard day. Welcome your husband with a smile when he comes home instead of a sour face. A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Listen to him talk about his day especially if it was a difficult one. If you don’t like how you partner treats you, take a minute to notice how you treat your partner and correct your behavior.
2) Treat your Husband with Respect: If you expect respect from others we need to treat others with respect too. Haven’t we all heard ‘Give respect and take respect’. Respect can be reflected in the way one talks and behaves. Always speak in a loving and refrain from speaking in a harsh manner. A good wife respects her hubby and she never chooses to belittle, strike, humiliate or otherwise harm him in private nor in public. It is better to watch what you say and to think your thoughts through before speaking as it is not possible to take back the words once they have been spoken. A good wife will treat her man with respect in front of others and at home.
3) Communicate: Communication is key to a good and solid marriage. Do not hide things from your husband or keep secrets after marriage. Be honest to him. Find time to sit and talk with your husband on a daily basis even if it is for only half an hour. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share with your husband anything then your marriage is in trouble. Be a good listener when your husband is talking. You may have a dozen important things to tell him but allow him to talk first. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems the moment he comes back from work. Good Communication also helps to build trust and strengthen your relationship. After marriage the wife and husband are a team or partners.
Do not take any major decisions about the family without consulting with husband. Fights or problems may happen in between the two but do not let the world know about it rather solve it between yourselves. The fight you had last week over shopping or whatever is over and done with. So move on with it and stop rehashing old stuff and reminding him of his faults. Do not resort to name calling, hitting, spitting, breaking dishes or anything else when you lose your temper. If you do he may actually start to fall out of love with you and you could lose him all together.
4) Be Supportive: A husband expects wife’s support and understanding especially in times of troubles. A good wife loves her hubby through his successes and failures and provides reassurance when he’s feeling down. She is a nurturer and an equal partner in the marriage. Support your husband in all stages of his career and life. Do not belittle your man or hurt his ego. It is often heard saying that ‘a wife can make a man or break a man’.
There’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him or belittle him especially in front of others. Be proud of him on his accomplishments and genuinely complement him. If you do this you can expect your husband to behave with you in the same manner and also respect you more for your support and thoughtfulness. When you don’t agree with him respectfully let him know you don’t agree.
5) Do not nag: No man would like a nagging wife. If you want to get your own way ask him nicely. Many wives think that is the only way to get her husband to do things is by nagging. But the truth is that your nagging can create unwanted rift or can make things worse between the two of you. Your husband is a grown man with his own thoughts and desires. Just because you think he should be doing something particular doesn’t mean he has to do it.
6) Give him his space: As a wife you need to understand you’re your husband has a life other than you also. He has his family, friends and colleagues who too are part of his life. He also may have some hobbies or passions he is involved in. Don’t expect his undivided attention. Don’t stop him if he wants to go out and hang out with his friends sometimes or engage in a hobby or sport that he likes. An interfering wife can sometimes be too irritating.
7) Keep him happy in Bed: Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. Please your man in bed. If you cannot keep your man happy in Bed he would go where he can get it. After all, a Man is a man!
8) Plan Surprises: Men like surprises too. It can be anything like organizing his birthday party without him knowing about it or planning a special night of passion by playing a seductress. Your surprises do not have to be elaborate and can be as simple as making him his favorite snack or his favorite dishes once in a while even if you would rather eat something else.
9) Express your love and appreciation often: Men likes praises and appreciation. Make the best of your time together. Men like to hear the words ‘I love you’ too. Also join him in activities that he’s interested in even though you would have preferred to do something else or give him a thoughtful gift once in a while. Make it a point never to forget the special days in his life. Pamper him very often, especially when he is at home. You can even cook for him or give him a good massage.
Making him dependent on you by doing his chores when he is at home is not a bad idea. Let him miss you and think about you when you are not around. These gestures won’t go unnoticed and it may even inspire him to do something nice for you. Don’t withhold affection.
10) Honesty, Loyalty and Dedication: A good wife would be honest, loyal and dedicated to her husband. Marriage is a life long commitment and the vows you have taken at the time of marriage should be kept in all conditions.
11) Prepare yourself: A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Take special care about your appearance and everyday. Include exercises or yoga in your daily routine. Be hygienic. Some woman feel that once they are married why they should dress up or take care of their appearance. A man likes his wife to smell good. If you are unhealthy or not presentable your man may cheat you behind your back.
12) Prepare the House: Maintain a clean house all the time. Clear away the clutter and spend time decorating the house. Apart from this be wise with money and take all the responsibilities of a wife seriously without complaining. I am sure any man would be happy to get a wife with all these qualities.
Author: Fatou Jallow
|
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
|
Edited by - toubab1020 on 09 Sep 2011 13:08:20 |
|
|
Momodou
Denmark
11723 Posts |
Posted - 10 Sep 2011 : 15:22:48
|
Toubab, the author is writing from the Islamic point of view on marriage which I believe will be difficult for someone with a Western European Christian up-bringing to relate to. The article is meant for the Gambian audience, a predominant Muslim society.
I have seen similar literature on the Islamic concept of harmonony in marriage.
|
A clear conscience fears no accusation - proverb from Sierra Leone |
 |
|
|
gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 10 Sep 2011 : 16:57:01
|
What about a good husband?! What does he have to do?
Drink tea all day? |
|
|
|
Momodou
Denmark
11723 Posts |
Posted - 10 Sep 2011 : 17:44:34
|
Bev, a good husband should reciprocate in order to have a harmonious marriage.
Men and women are equal in the sight of Allah. "Among His signs is this, that He created for you spouses from yourselves that you might live in traquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts; veryly in that are signs for those who reflect" (A-Quran, 30 verse 21).
Allah says "and they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men have a degree (of responsibility) over them" Quran, 2, verse 228.
There are mutual rights and obligations. |
A clear conscience fears no accusation - proverb from Sierra Leone |
|
|
|
toubab1020
12311 Posts |
Posted - 10 Sep 2011 : 18:19:16
|
Momodou, I gathered that,I know how to make a good wife happy,just say, Yes Dear, always works
|
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
|
|
|
|
toubab1020
12311 Posts |
Posted - 10 Sep 2011 : 18:21:17
|
Very cynical Gambiabev,read my response to Momodou's post ,as I wrote always works !!
I will say I do like tea !!!
|
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
|
Edited by - toubab1020 on 10 Sep 2011 18:22:54 |
|
|
|
Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 17 Nov 2011 : 17:03:21
|
| So is cheating allowed in Islam now...? |
|
|
|
toubab1020
12311 Posts |
Posted - 17 Nov 2011 : 17:28:45
|
OK.........I shouldn't ask................. perhaps................this message is in code to someone ?
If not,I apologise, can you explain what you mean?
quote:
Originally posted by Babylon
So is cheating allowed in Islam now...?
|
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
|
|
|
|
Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 18 Nov 2011 : 12:18:48
|
The author Fatou Jallow aka "Mrs Doormat" writes that "If you cannot keep your man happy in Bed he would go where he can get it." and "If you are unhealthy or not presentable your man may cheat you behind your back" .
So if this article is from an islamic point of view as Momodou says, since when is it allowed to cheat on your wife according to islam? |
|
|
|
Momodou
Denmark
11723 Posts |
Posted - 18 Nov 2011 : 12:24:22
|
Its good to see you back Babylon. Velkommen!
Did I say anywhere that its allowed to cheat your wife according to Islam?
Polygamy is allowed and is not seen as cheating and this article is about that. Perhaps you should re-visit former topics about Polygamy.
Some past heated topics related to Polygamy:
|
A clear conscience fears no accusation - proverb from Sierra Leone |
|
|
|
Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 18 Nov 2011 : 12:50:55
|
Tack Momodou! Det var ett tag sen sist. 
No, you did not say it´s ok to cheat but the author of the article did. You only wanted to state that the article is from an islamic point of view. I think it is a bit misleading though since we all know that adultery is prohibited in Islam and other religions. So I´d say the article is only about 50% islamic...
Polygamy and cheating are two different things. The lady clearly wrote "cheat". |
Edited by - Babylon on 18 Nov 2011 12:55:32 |
|
|
|
Momodou
Denmark
11723 Posts |
Posted - 18 Nov 2011 : 13:02:11
|
Ok, thanks for the clarification. I misunderstood you.
It’s definitely adultery when the man/woman cheats and its forbidden in Islam. |
A clear conscience fears no accusation - proverb from Sierra Leone |
|
|
|
toubab1020
12311 Posts |
Posted - 18 Nov 2011 : 13:30:08
|
Phew! that's OK then  |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
|
Edited by - toubab1020 on 18 Nov 2011 13:30:35 |
|
|
|
kisley
United Kingdom
214 Posts |
|
|
Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
|
|
toubab1020
12311 Posts |
|
| |
Topic |
|
Topic Locked
What can I do ?
