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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
 Posted - 18 Apr 2006 : 19:57:48
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| We are created to protect our own and as such there is this survival instinct that we all manifest at diffrent times. To me a realtionship that is arguing is a healthy one. The one very quiet is one in which there is total dominance. We can never be agreeing beacuse we are always struggling against our own selves let alone someone else. |
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” |
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 18 Apr 2006 : 20:09:00
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Kondorong, you are a real diplomat  ! But I agree; I never saw a good relationship without arguing, though knowing about your qualities and 'shifting leadership' does not necessarily mean arguing. The 'quiet' relationships are mostly poisoned, or stupid slave-master relationships. Slave and master need each other, but they can never love and respect each other.
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 18 Apr 2006 : 20:12:17
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| I agree. |
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 18 Apr 2006 : 22:37:14
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The extended family may not be in evidence in middle class Britain, but it is still alive and well in working class communities.
The middle classes are more socially and geographically mobile and therefore the extended family has less importance. People tend to pay others to take on family roles: nannies (instead of grandma) gardeners (instead of grandad) etc... In the working class mobility is MUCH less and therefore family members rely on each other much more to help out. Not that different to an African compound except people usually dont share the same house. They will live in the same area though. All my family live within 10 minute walk of each other in Leicester. We used to all meet every Friday to eat at my grandmas and Easter, summer holidays and Christmas were always spent together as a family. Perhaps that is why i like the Gambian compound so much, because it reminds me of my family life when I was growing up. No amount of money can replace the security of such closeness. |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 18 Apr 2006 : 23:08:51
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| You must be very lucky to have that family bond in place with all the encroachments these days. Keep it it. It is good to have family around. It is even more useful to the elderly. |
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” |
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kassma
334 Posts |
Posted - 19 Apr 2006 : 03:03:07
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quote:
Originally posted by bamba
In as much as I dont condone wife inheritance, the practice fits well in the socio-economic structures of rural communities. The widow and the kids have a new provider/protector immediately after the former. But I have to admit that the stakes can be very high in the perspective of inherited diseases etc, etc. With western eyes, the practice is inconceivable and understandably so.
Kassma, dont force western feminism,equality concept to a Gambia very unready and immature for it.
bamba, how are we unready or immature for equality if we don't even try and see, we will never know. its time we start moving ahead instead of being stagnant. being stagnant and being afraid of new things is the main reason why Gambia is the way Gambia is right now. good things don't come easy, but Gambians can't keep on expecting Yalla to do everything. by the way, equality, is not a western ideal, i think its pretty universal to not want to be discriminated against and i'm not talking about feminism either. feminsism has a negative conoctation in america but i think everyone should be a feminist, there is no excuse at all not to be. i think men who promote discrimination against women are insecure and weak.
Gambev mentioned women driving in Gambia, i think she really meant driving as in driving a car. i think that's true cause out of all my aunts, and i have a lot of them, i think only one can drive, which is a shame cause if you can't drive you're dependent on others to drive you around. |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 19 Apr 2006 : 07:59:25
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Yes I did mean driving a car. Daunting in serekunda!! One day I will pick up my courage and do it...... lock up all your bikes and donkeys!
On a serious note driving gives freedom. A man cant control his wifes movements if she is out there in her car......just think of the freedom it brings! On a day to day basis it will make a big dfference to individual womens lives if they can do it. |
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