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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
 Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 12:11:15
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My next visit to Gambia is at Easter. I am going to visit my mans family in Dakar! Then, if they accept me we will start to make plans for a Muslim wedding first and then later a civil one. I have chosen my Mulism name: ISA, (Aisha?) after a lovely little girl who was staying at my hotel. She was mixed race and she was in love with my boyfriend! She followed him everywhere, so I said I would take that name.
So I might be getting married in August at my mans compound in Serrekunda.He is 30 and I am 46.....that still bothers me a little. I hope it will work out. We are both going to try very hard.
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 13:01:50
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...................................................??????????????? (i am trying to visualize speechlessness here).
Well, Bev - congratulations are in order (i suppose). Don't worry - his parents will accept you! So you will probably be Mrs Isatou SoandSo in August.
But fortunately Easter is still a long way off, so you will have time to think. For instance about the fact if it is a good idea to take these all-important vows with someone you have not lived together with for more than 2 or 3 weeks (correct me if i am wrong, but so far i didn't get the impression that you spend a few months in a row in the Gambia yet).
So now i am the one being cynical, i almost sound like you a few weeks back on this Bantaba. Please Bev, try to start the procedure for your guy to be in the UK for at least some months - see if you can live together in a 'normal' situation (i mean not in your holiday setting, the sun shining and walking hand in hand along the beautiful beach at Gunjur, not a care in the world). Besides, how can you get married in the mosque if you don't believe in God, as you always maintained?
Sorry to spoil the fun, but to me it seems as if you are not really yourself at the moment. Maybe this all sounds too romantic for a very down-to-earth Dutchie like me. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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toubab1020
12242 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 13:47:01
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SCARY,
The reply that Anna gave to Bev is EXACTLY what I would have said,only I couldnt,why because I am a bloke! |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 13:58:06
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| Are you a Dutchie too? |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 14:49:09
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quote:
Originally posted by anna
...................................................??????????????? (i am trying to visualize speechlessness here).
Well, Bev - congratulations are in order (i suppose). Don't worry - his parents will accept you! So you will probably be Mrs Isatou SoandSo in August.
But fortunately Easter is still a long way off, so you will have time to think. For instance about the fact if it is a good idea to take these all-important vows with someone you have not lived together with for more than 2 or 3 weeks (correct me if i am wrong, but so far i didn't get the impression that you spend a few months in a row in the Gambia yet).
So now i am the one being cynical, i almost sound like you a few weeks back on this Bantaba. Please Bev, try to start the procedure for your guy to be in the UK for at least some months - see if you can live together in a 'normal' situation (i mean not in your holiday setting, the sun shining and walking hand in hand along the beautiful beach at Gunjur, not a care in the world). Besides, how can you get married in the mosque if you don't believe in God, as you always maintained?
Sorry to spoil the fun, but to me it seems as if you are not really yourself at the moment. Maybe this all sounds too romantic for a very down-to-earth Dutchie like me.
Lol Anna, that sounded just as pessimistic as Bev usually is about relationships!  thought you were more open minded. |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 15:05:05
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Gambiabev did you can invite your fiancee over to the UK all you need to get is a Certificate of Approval from the Home Office? It is important that you make it clear oon your letter of invitation that you are inviting him over as your fiancee and not just as a visitor to avoid future problems. That way you could live with him in the UK leaving your options open whether or not to marry him in the UK or Gambia. It doesn't need to be an option of all of nothing, and will give you longer to get to know him.
Peace
Sister Omega |
Peace
Sister Omega |
Edited by - Sister Omega on 07 Jan 2007 15:19:59 |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 15:15:41
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Babylon, so did i, so did i.....
I was surprised myself to see my mouth drop open at Bev's announcement. But this is not about Bev's relationship, it's about her idea to get married! As far as the relationship goes - i wish for her that all her dreams with this man come true (and more).
But a wedding at this stage of the relationship? Sorry, it is beyond me. We are talking about marriage, supposed to be a life-long bond! I presume to know how Bev feels like, right now. Just back from the Gambia, after a beautiful romantic stay where she experienced things she never thought she would experience. You come back to the cold and grey of our climate, and the reactions of people when they hear you are in a relationship with a much younger, black man are equally chilling. In the first few weeks you think all the time 'what am i doing here, i want to be back in the arms of my beautiful lover'. You want to live the dream longer........
I wish her a lot of wisdom and strength and i sincerely hope my reaction didn't make her jump back into her bed and pull the duvet over her head.
Bev is not a young woman (but i am older by far) and i am sure she wants to look at herself in the mirror each morning contentedly, able to say to herself 'i have taken the right steps, i have not been afraid to make myself vulnerable because of love but at the same time i have not made a mess of my life and the lives of the people i love'. That is why i so hope she will be careful, very careful.
Babylon, i myself was not at all Laughing Out Loud when i read Bev's posting! |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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sab
United Kingdom
912 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 16:20:27
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Gambiabev, Wishing you both happy 2007. Just reminding you of a posting only few weeks back from yourself, browse it,dont be hasty and dont take any offence.
quote:
I am 46. I would find it very hard to accept that a man under, say 35, could truely love me. As a Westerner Leokat needs to be aware that Gambians concept of love tends to be more pragmatic that your Western romantic view. I am very septical and would be convinced that the man justed wanted a visa and would run away once he got to the UK!!! I have met some lovely Gambian men, some of whom I have REALLY fancied and they have been very nice to me. BUT from that to MARRIAGE is a very big step. I am always suprised by womens lack of caution! Every year I meet women who have married younger Gambians. I hope it works for them, but one thing is sure, it is NOT an easy route to take.For a marriage to a Gambian to work I think you need to get on VERY well with the family and like compound life. It is not enough to stay in the hotel! Also children is a BIG issue. You need to be able to give the man children IF he doesnt already have any children. Then there is Islam/Muslim culture. You need to be fully aware of womens role in Islam and be able to accept that.Finally you need to think about what your man will do if he comes to the UK. Is he employable? My advice would be to take extended holidays in the Gambia and take things VERY slowly. If you intend to spend the rest of your life together.....what's the rush??!! My main concern is for your family in UK. If you have children and parents what are there views? Your existing children should be your priority over ANY man. Men come and go, your children and parents are yours unconditionally.Also financially you need to think about your children's future needs and make sure that is protected from any man coming into your life.So sorry if this has turned into a lecture!!! I suppose it depends on your personality. Are you sensible and cautious or are you reckless?! I am sensible. Perhaps too sensible at times. When I was in a similar situation I walked away and told him to get a Gambian girlfriend who could give him children. Other people would say life is very short , go for it and have some hapiness whilst you can!!
In the past few days there has been discussion on the GTS Forum regarding the legalities when marrying in Banjul/UK (I know that is not your intention, but Dakar) would'nt you be better to first have a general read through (at least paperback) Qu'ran, live six months in a compound, a give yourself time to know the legalities.
I know of many successful long-time mixed Gambian/European marriages, and wish you the very best. I have also done a lot of paperwork for UK & Gambian people who acted hastily & found themselves in a mess.
regards, sab.
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The world would be a poorer place if it was peopled by children whose parents risked nothing in the cause of social justice, for fear of personal loss. (Joe Slovo - African revolutionary) |
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toubab1020
12242 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 16:43:49
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quote:
Originally posted by anna
Are you a Dutchie too?
alas no |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 16:54:49
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| Cheer up! Must be nice where you come from, too.. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 19:41:29
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happy that you have found a partner, but stop the press,
does your man have name DID I MISS SOMETHING, IS THIS BANTABA BEV 
i thought you were off gambian men, so when did this romance blossom,
why a mosque, why not a civil ceremony in a registrar office, to take you vows in a mosque, or a church is a religous statement. I agree with some of the statements made in the previous postings, . |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 20:42:45
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I guess LOVE is a beautiful and very powerful thing after all. Makes the most sceptical men and women forget about everything else less important for a moment, or maybe for a whole lifetime?
More love to the people!  
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Jack
Belgium
384 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 21:10:09
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Bev,
Im speachless. Read it twice , took a cold shower and read your posting a third time. But still it was there.
Did you really stay in Gunjur or on Coconut Island ? lol
All the best anyway. |
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Lily
United Kingdom
422 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jan 2007 : 23:26:25
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Bev,
I wish you happiness and joy and am sorry not to have met up with you - you sound like fun.
I will ask only one question - if your man seeks another wife, after he has marired you - so that, perhaps, he can have children - can you live with it? |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jan 2007 : 08:32:42
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SAB , your quote back of what I said previously is brilliant. Made me LOL!!! That is sensible UK Bev talking! I have just spent a wonderful week in Gambia. It ALWAYS turns my head! I have only been back 24 hours and I am already having second and third thoughts!!!
Lily, I wouldn't share my man! I accept the marriage may only be for a few years and later he may chose a Gambia, but I wouldnt be a part of that. No way I am paying for anothe womens children!!!
The Muslim marriage would be because that is what he wants. He is a serious Muslim. |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jan 2007 : 09:42:49
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Speechless all over!
You've done it again, girl. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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